Bye Bye Pneumonia, Hello Scanxiety

Oh how I love this roller coaster (insert sarcastic look here).  Why do these bouts of scanxiety keep getting longer and longer?  Simple.  I've been on tarceva a long time.  2.5 years to be exact.  A great many lung cancer patients don't have that kind of progression free survival time, so I have been very blessed.

As you know, I got pneumonia last week.   Or it seems, since I'm feeling better after the steroids (and an additional 5 lbs.).  The scary part for me is that the pain was coming from where my primary tumor is.  I know, I know, you can't feel cancer in the lungs.  But, it's still a scary thought.  I wish I knew already what was going on in there.  But, I don't.  And that is where the faith comes in.  I'm not perfect though, I do worry but faith is what keeps me sane.

I recently found my camcorder charger.  I was going through old videos from when Karley was so little.  The moments captured were wonderful.  It's amazing to see the young lady she's becoming before my eyes.  She watched with me, and later that night wanted to snuggle so much.  She said, "Mama, you are the best mommy ever and after watching those videos it makes me sad to think something could happen to you".  I just held her close and tried to reassure her that I'm here now, and that's what really matters.  We can't worry about the future.  (I sound like a hypocrite now with my scanxiety worries)

Also, I didn't let her see the videos I made when I was first diagnosed.   Man, I miss my hair.  But, I could tell how much I was hurting emotionally.  I feel like I've become such a different person.  Back then I was spitting out everything I thought I could tell her to fulfill a lifetime, only to realize that it isn't possible.  We have to do what we can with the time we have now.  You never know when it'll be cut short.

God designed this life to live according to His plan, not our own.  Wisdom acknowledges this.  We have to believe "Father Knows Best".  My beliefs on here may not always be popular, but maybe this is my purpose....just to reach someone else through this blog.

So, I'll keep trying to stay positive as the clock slowly ticks away until June 19th when I get my new results.  Thank you for all your continuous prayers.  They are always such a blessing.  Please continue to keep Gretchen Mitchell Anderson, Carmen Frye, Brad Graves, and another unspoken request, along with their families in your prayers.  I know they appreciate them.

I Thought It Was Heartburn..I Was Wrong

So last evening, after almost two days of what I thought was heartburn, got a "go to the ER" from my oncologist.  So, I did.

After 5 hours, scans and tests, it was determined that I have pneumonia, or that's what it looks like.  I got 5 days of steroids and follow up in Atlanta with my pulmonary doc if I'm not better or get worse before then. Yay cancer! (sarcasm for those that don't know me).

Let me tell you, it is painful, very painful to swallow or breathe deep. It also looks like the pneumonia is around my primary tumor that is hopefully still inactive.  We will find out around June 19th.  Please pray for it all to be still in active.  I can handle pneumonia.

So, I'm having a hard time sleeping but about to take another sleeping pill and rest for the next few days.  It's just so frustrating.  I thought I was overreacting by going to the ER, but when it comes to cancer, you can never be too careful.  So don't feel silly if you go and nothing is wrong.   Better to be safe than sorry!

Now that we know something is wrong, probably pneumonia, I can keep an eye on it and take care of it.  I just have so much to do this week, it's going to be hard to not do it.  I'm blessed to have friends and family that are willing to help.

Well, that's the update for now.  I'm about to try and go back to sleep.  So happy for the ID channel that's my 24 hour a day go to entertainer when I'm so tired.

Thank you for your continuous prayers for my friends and me.  They mean so much.  You all make me feel so blessed.  And most importantly, I thank God for still being here.

Silver Lining:  No blood clot, I'm still here, get to rest by doctor's order (but will be hard)!

Is That a Half Cancerversary?

The goal of my blog today is to beat Lisa Goldman in getting it out there.  It seems like it's been a year since my last one, but really it's been a week.  So, what's changed in a week?

I got out of that funk I had due to the stress overload.  Thank you for all of your prayers.  I moved to a house and away from the third floor condo I've been in for nearly 5 years.  Thanks to John, Dustin, Waggy, etc. for moving my furniture and Wes, Karley, and Zoe for helping me unpack and break it in and my new neighbor Brent for all he's done including feeding me that first night (I literally had no food!).  I never really knew my neighbors at the condo, but this seems like it will be a great neighborhood for Karley.  One of her friends even lives across the street.

Jace and Sugar (the cats) have decided they will no longer drink tap water since moving, and are now only drinking bottled water.  Seriously.  I couldn't get them to drink until I gave them bottled water.  It's been stressful for them, but they'll be fine.

I still haven't finished moving everything, but most of it is here and will try to get the rest out this week.  

In other news, I didn't mention this in my last few blogs, but I got awarded Healthline's Top 10 Lung Cancer Blogs of 2015.  You can read the full list here http://www.healthline.com/health-slideshow/best-lung-cancer-blogs  Thank you Healthline for such an honor.  I've met a lot of these people and they are amazing.  We had a little group at the Lungevity Summit. 

  

Never, did I think I would be a blogger.  But, it's a really good outlet when you go through so much emotionally and physically.  You don't have to explain your story and cry.  You write, others read, and maybe you can help someone else in the same situation.  

Well, that's my quick update for now.  Thank you for your continuous prayers.  Next week will be exactly 2 1/2 years since diagnosis.  Is that a half cancerversary?  I've never been big on half birthdays, but I think this calls for a celebration.  November is so far away!

Please continue praying for Gretchen Mitchell Anderson and Carmen Frye.  Your prayers are helping so much.  

Will This Roller Coaster Ever Stop?

So, it's been 5 days since my last post.  Already that roller coaster is flying downhill.  I'm not feeling cancer sick.  I'm feeling cancer sad.  This is my life now, like so many others.  I live in a resort area where good work is hard to find and stressful.  At least my old job was, but it paid the bills.  Stress isn't good for cancer, and I plan on living a long time by the grace of God.   I'm also tired a lot but recently started taking some vitamins.  I want to work again but just get exhausted after a few hours in the office.   I also don't want to work full time, I want as much time with Karley as possible.

Therefore, as of now, disability is my best option considering I have no idea when the tarceva will quit and I'm trying to get as much done as I can before it does.  Unfortunately. I'm now forced into Medicare.  Which, I don't know how in the world people understand it.  And it's more expensive than my previous insurance.  Sorry people, I tried not to take Medicare.  It's frustrating not understanding anything.  Plus trying to get new insurance for my daughter isn't a walk in the park either.  For me, more deductibles and co insurance on disability income in this area is financially breaking me.  I stay here so john and Karley can remain close though.  I want them to always be close.  Being a single mom and juggling this stinks.  John has been a lot of help.  He takes her 3 nights a week and that gives me some rest.  My stress level is just insane right now.  I guess I just wish my family were closer, as were my doctors.

And we are moving to a house on the island.  The rent is less and it's not the third floor.  No more stairs but moving and costs are crazy too.  Thank goodness for my mom and john right now.

This isn't how I pictured my life.  I guess not many people are living the life they pictured either.  I guess it would be nice to have family close to comfort Karley in the event something happened.  But I trust God to take care of that.  He will give me the right people in my life here.

Sorry for the ranting.  I can't sleep and so tired.  Thank you for your continuous prayers and please keep them up for us as well as Carmen Frye  and Jon Hicks.  All cancer survivors still fighting like me.  And please take some extra time to pray for Gretchen Mitchell Anderson.  She is fighting the brain cancer so hard.  It's a monster.  She needs extra prayers tonight.

Silver lining today:  I cried and it felt good

Good night all.  And God Bless You!

Matthew 19:26.

Lungevity - Hope and more Hope

Finally home after a weekend at the Lungevity Hope Summit 2015. It was an amazing and inspiring experience.

For so long I've talked to these people, but I haven't met them in person, although I did want too, but we are from all over the country so didn't think it would ever be possible.

It's different talking to someone who relates to you so well. I did learn a lot, but my favorite part was meeting other survivors. It made me feel normal...like my old world was not normal, but this one was. My new normal was actually normal normal for the first time in 2 1/2 years. It was so refreshing. And I'm not sure that made any sense to you, but it does to me.

The people from Lungevity and the guest speakers were great. I was able to speak with Nancy Brinker (founder of Susan G Komen for a cure), Dr. Flores, and some former NFL player, Chris Draft from Team Draft, (who forgot to bring me a falcons shirt). Yes Chris, called you out. But, Chris did rock his speech. It was phenomenal.

Everyone was so inspiring and I got to meet pretty much all of my fellow bloggers and about 150 survivors total. So thank you Katie, Andrea, Nikole, and the rest of the Lungevity team for making all of this possible. People aren't just Facebook pics anymore thanks to you all!!!

I can see why they call it the "Hope Summit". I will definitely be back next year!

Here are some photos from the event:

Finally, I know I'm always asking for prayers, and I thank you all for the ones you continuously pray for me. And right now I have a few friends that are in need.

Gretchen Mitchell Anderson really needs our prayers. She is dealing with brain cancer and it continues to spread. She is in the depths of the fight for her life. She has two young daughters. Please take a moment and pray for her. Here is a link to her Caring Bridge page for updates: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/gretchenanderson

Also, please keep you prayers coming for Carmen Frye as she has her own battle. Ladies, you are not alone. Don't ever forget that. We are all fighting with you. These are both former high school class mates and friends. Just throwing that out there Jonesboro.

Thank you for taking the time to read and share for as many prayers as we can get!

For Mandy Busch

Sometimes bad things happen to good people.  We don't know why, but we do know God always has a plan for us.  Yesterday, one of those bad things happened to our friend Mandy.  Her father passed away of a heart attack unexpectedly.  I've always been terrified of that happening to my dad (since he's had like 5).  But it didn't, it happened to Mandy's dad.

I don't know Mandy's dad, but I do hear Santa Steve and Mafia John met at a bar one day.  That's how they knew who each other was.  He introduced himself to my dad and they had a good laugh.  

I met Mandy through my sister.  We were friends, but became very close when I got diagnosed.  Let me tell you, her father did an amazing job raising this woman.  She has to be one of the most beautiful, witty, fun-loving, funny, courageous, generous, and patient women I've ever met. Those traits came from someone, and that someone is her father, her best friend.  I can only hope that my daughter turns out to be a person as full of life and love as Mandy.

I can't imagine the pain she's going through.  Some of you that know us may think it unusual that we are friends, close ones at that.  But, if you know Mandy, she has such a kind heart, and you quickly realize why we're friends.  There was a small group at my house every day after I got sick, and though she was tired from working all day and lived an hour away, she was there for me and I'll never ever forget that.  She and Brad even flew Karley back to St. Simons for me when I was in Atlanta sick.  Of course Karley wanted to sit with Mandy.  She absolutely LOVES her some Mandy.

She threw my sister's baby shower with me last year.  She did most of the work, I give her all of the credit on that one!  She's been to my celebration dinners.  She and Brad will always be a part of our family.  So, when her heart is breaking, our hearts are breaking.  I know Brook feels the same way (we've been texting this morning).  

So, in closing, please pray for Mandy and her family.  And Mandy, we love you so much!  And Santa Steve, thank you for giving this world such an amazing woman and such a wonderful friend.  You will never be forgotten, Mandy won't let that happen.  Emily Dickinson once said, "Unable are the loved to die.  For love is immortality".  I really like that quote.  Mr. Donaldson was loved, and though he is not with us in the flesh, he will always be in her heart.  We know he's in a better place, so hopefully Mandy will take some comfort in that, even though she would rather have him here.  He's in a place where there are No more sorrow, or tears, or pain.

Thank you all for your continuous prayers for me as well.  And please also pray for Carmen Frye as she gets her results today, my Mom as she plans my uncles funeral, and Roy Reynolds as he fights his own cancer battle.  Thank you all so very much.  Rest in Paradise Mr. Donaldson.

John 16:33

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."

The Caregivers

It's been a while since my last post, but something has been weighing on my mind lately.

Sometimes, us cancer patients get so wrapped up in our journey, that we forget how hard it is on the people that care about us.  I'm going to use my mother as an example, because she has been my rock, yet watching her daughter go through so much has to be the most awful thing in the world.  To me, I would rather go through this myself than have Karley go through it, both emotionally and physically.  So the toll it has to take on her is indescribable.

You see, I know where I'm going one day.  I know that day may be sooner than her, but with all the new drugs coming out, it may very well be later.  But, I know we are both going to the same place, home.  That, in itself, is comforting.  Karley has a great father who loves her more than the world, that gives me more peace, she will be safe and taken care of by him.

Sometimes, you don't think about these things when life is going well.  But when it takes a turn for the worse, it can consume you if you don't have your religion and your support system.

I feel like right now, my mama needs prayers.  I know Karley, my dad, sister, Amanda, and my other close friends need prayer too.  But, as a mother myself, I feel like it's different.  Plus, so far this year, my mom has lost her precious dog, Charlotte, her companion, and just recently lost her brother unexpectedly.  Compile that on with the stress of having a daughter with stage 4 lung cancer and it's a recipe for disaster.  I don't know how she holds it together so well.

I do know that she loves me more than anything, even when we fight.  It's different now.  Cancer has done some good for us.  We communicate so much better.  And we don't take our time together for granted.  We forgive easily.

As much as cancer sucks, from now on, I'm going to try and point out one positive thing it brought into my life by the grace of God.  And in this post, that positive thing is the relationship I now have with my mom that I didn't have before.  I'm so blessed to have been given such a dysfunctional, yet loving, funny, charismatic family.  We all group text now....making each other laugh and we are all so much closer even though our physical distance is so much greater.  So for that cancer, I thank you,  But, the rest of you still sucks until I point out another positive on my next post.

So, next time you're saying your prayers, please pray for peace for my mom.  I plan on being here for as long as God allows.  And I'm going to be happy doing it because every day is a gift, even the ones where I binge watch tv or read a book...because I enjoy those things.  I've had a great life so far.  I have no regrets.

And mom, if you're reading this, I couldn't have been the way I am in this fight without you being by my side every step of the way.  Now, we just need to figure out how to get my hair to grow faster so you don't have to buy another wig or extensions!   And I love you so much.  Thank you.

Thank you all for your continuous support and prayers.  Please pray for all of the caregivers out there.  I think this journey is harder on them than it is us.

Finally, please pray for Roy Reynolds and family, Carmen Frye and family, and the Graves family.  They are all battling different cancers.

Proverbs 31:26-27
"She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.  She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of the idleness."