12 Years ago Today - Suck it Cancer - I've got God LCAM

Twelve years ago today I was sitting at the bar with some friends and my lil sis.  It was around this hour I reached out for my first glass of wine and instead of grabbing it, I knocked it over with the back of my hand.  It went all over the bar and POS system.  

I didn't understand.  My vision had been messing up lately "Because of Migraines", so they said.  And I believed them because they were the doctors.  The night went on and we all went to a few bars.  Reggie was with us as well, the last picture of me before my life turned upside down is below with Reggie.  Little did I know he was only 3 months behind.

That night I argued with my sister, I'm not even sure what it was about.  I just know I got Reggie and Sonja and had them take me to a hotel near the bar because my head was killing me.  It felt like everyone thought I was addicted to pain pills, I wasn't.

My head felt so full, and overnight in the hotel I continued to cry after fighting with my sister.  Anyone who knows us, knows that we fight and then we are fine.  We don't cry.  But I couldn't stop, it was uncontrollable.  

After Reggie took Sonja home, he drove me to my dads as Karley was at my mom’s and at this point I was vomiting a white liquid.  I wasn't drunk that night.  I couldn't control my emotions.  

Reggie met my dad at his house and they helped me out of the car.  By now my parents were thinking I had a pill problem too because I never talked to them about the headaches that wouldn't stop, the loss of vision, my head feeling as if it were so full, and the uncontrollable body movements and emotions.  

My dad led me into the house and thanked Reggie.  I immediately laid down on the couch.  I don't know how long I lay there, but I heard the clock ticking. Tik tok tik tok.  After hours of just this, I told my dad that I needed one of them to take me to the hospital.  He asked if I wanted him to take me or my mother.  After careful consideration, I considered my mother would be least likely arrested if they didn't do anything, so my mom handed Karley over to him and we went to the hospital.  

I don't remember much.  I guess I had a scan because I do remember the ER doctor coming back in and telling us that she saw a shadow in my brain and I needed to be transferred to downtown Atlanta for brain surgery to remove the tumor.  

My dad brought Karley up and I hugged her as they loaded me in the ambulance while she cried out for me.  It ripped my heart out.  The ambulance driver asked if I was still in pain.  I replied, "yes, so much".  She realized they were giving me morphine already.  She was so kind and said, "Let me give you the good stuff".  It was so good I don't remember anything until Tuesday when they were waking me up.  I was fresh out of brain surgery.  

And, my blog starts with then.  It's been 12 years since the beginning of the new beginning.  I had dormant scans last week, including bone,  I give all the Glory to God, keeping me here to watch and to live through so many milestones.  It hasn't been easy at all and I've documented my ups and downs.  

You only need lungs to get lung cancer.  This is Lung Cancer awareness month. The biggest myth of all is that only smokers get cancer.  

The doctors gave me 12-18 months to live.  Tuesday will be 12 years. 12 years ago was the beginning of my new beginning.  And God has blessed this broken path that led me to where I am today.  I may not be financially rich, but I am rich in love and empathy now and that is not the person I had been before the cancer.  Cancer blessed us  

"Trust in the Lord with all of your Heart, lean not on your own understanding" - Prov. 3:5-6

SCREW YOU CANCER, I'VE GOT GOD AND HE IS THE ALMIGHTY.  

I'm exhausted so am going to cut it short.  But just keep the Faith.  Keep your hope alive.  This is not the end, it's only the beginning of the beginning.

God bless you all!  Enjoy all these little moments and memories we have  been able to make, because they go by so quickly. Thank you God and thank you all for the prayers. They are working!  My work is not done here.  I'll write again soon!

Videos Links below, click to be inspired!:  I promise they aren't viruses!  Lol. Or they are on instagram and facebook.  

12 Years

Atlanta

The night I fell. 

Contentment

 Since beginning this journey, I have always felt a bit of unease.  I wanted to make sure Karley knew God.  She's now a camp counselor at Camp Connect in St. Simons for the summer.  She could've gone to summer school, or worked to save for money, but she chose to teach youth about God.

She already feels like she's grown so much.  Every time she goes to this camp she comes out filled with the Holy Spirit.  My mind is at ease knowing her love of God, I am content.  I don't worry about anything anymore.  That was the important thing.  As a parent, I would die for her.  So, knowing that she knows God, I am at peace.

Although I'm at peace, I discovered in a recent bone scan that I have 3 fractured ribs from radiation in 2019 and 2 more lit up (all on the same side).  My slap tear is still causing me issues, orthopedic surgeon on August 8th.  Going for my ribs and rotator cuff.

The radiologist noticed something abnormal at the beginning of my small intestine, but getting scans next month to make sure it's resolved.

I have a bump on my back that moves around.  It's pretty big but since it's not attached, I don't want to do a biopsy.

I found out at the beginning of April that my health insurance plan dropped me because I moved states.  So, I had to find another one and it's delayed all of my routine appointments.

Please reach out if anyone needs help navigating the lung cancer community.  I'll even go to the hospital with you to go over results and ask questions.  Lung cancer is so confusing.  And you don't have to smoke to get it.  

Ok.  The best part, pictures!  I can't believe she will be 20 in six months.  Giving me a year to live, I'm going on 12.  God has truly blessed me.  I recently moved to Jacksonville so if anyone needs a friend, I'm here for that too.  Still meeting people.   God bless you all!

Volunteering San Marco Preservation Society

Finally got some Senior Pictures

Rest in Paradise Patty Watkins  - You fought a good fight, you finished the race, you were ready.  Love you always.

My father's new memorial garden.

I miss him so much.

Karley joined and played for the club team at Georgia Southern.  She's now the acting president.  Only two slots available, she made it.  They went to NATIONALS!

She is happy.  That's all a mama could ask for.  

Living Beyond

 Since I moved to Jacksonville, I've been working on my bookkeeping certification and getting my notary public.  Florida laws are so much different than Georgia.  

So, everyone tells me I'm a miracle and should be happy to be alive.  I am happy, but no one understands the financial burden that it entails.  I've downgraded housing expenses.  So yay for that!  I've picked up small bookkeeping jobs here and there, but I can't seem to get out of debt.

My dad and friends used to throw me fundraisers.  The last one was 2018.  He sadly passed away in 2021.  I can't even write a out it without getting emotional.

Anyway, I somehow acquired a slap tear in my shoulder.  So, now I've added another profession and set of imaging too my ever growing list of expenses.  My orthopedic surgeon ordered ultrasound guided shots for the pain.  It doesn't work 100%, but I've got moderate disc degeneration throughout c4-c7 (i think, without the paper in front of me).  

That has led me to a spine clinic.  So, once more, another profession and set of imaging required.

I'm still paying on the stroke I had in 2020.  So now, along with my regular 3 month cancer scans, I've added on two more doctors.  

Social Security disability pays $2,000 a month.  I can't even pay rent with that.  I know so many of you have helped before, and I hate to ask for help again.   Right now my credit card debt is almost maxed out b/c of copays.  I've applied for assistance but was rejected for making too much money.  HOW???

All I do is stress about money now, to the point I can't even enjoy life.  I can't plan for a future because I'm in so much debt.  I started a GoFundMe for myself, which is super lame.  But I need help.  I can't pay for the doctors, scans, meds, utilities, rent, car, insurance, etc.  If I pay my credit cards down, I'll be able to pay for my care.  But lately, I've been very discouraged.  I'm worth more dead than alive.  

So, if any of you reading this can spare anything, I would be eternally grateful.  I am, without a doubt, so very blessed I've been going 11 years.  But I've had 5 strokes and we still don't know why.  I know the stress of being a step away from nothingness is part of it.   

I just wanted to let you all know, by the Grace of God, I'm still here.  I'm getting tired a lot more lately and sleeping a lot more.  I know a lot is stress, but I can barely even write this.  I'm so tired.....

Please help me continue to live and not have the added financial burden that is drowning me.   If you can't donate, please pray for me and share the fundraiser.  

I just want you all to know, I'm not giving up.  I have faith that God will make a way for me to continue going.  My work here isn't finished.  God bless you all, and once again, I'm so sorry to ask and can even do something for you if you need.  Just ask.

I can do all things through Christ.  We just found a new church to attend here in Jacksonville.  It's about the only time I get dressed up.   lol.  Here are some pics.

And as for my sweet daughter, she made the volleyball club team at GA Southern.  She loves it and is having so much fun I rarely see her or talk to her.  But that's ok, she's surrounded herself with really good friends who go to church with her.  She will be a counselor this summer at Camp Connect on St. Simons so google and sign up if you want your little ones there.

This cancer saved us both.  We talked about it and want to both be baptized again.  I could not be more proud as a mother.  She has dedicated her life to Christ.  

Anyway, the site is on this link below.  Any amount helps.  And please share.  Of course I need to add some recent pics!

GofundMe-Sam

On the way to Church, love this view

Karley came down to Jacksonville to visit

Christmas with my girl

The main cousins (missing Brook)

My girl Sarah Cat and me...They came home for the holidays!

My cousin Lori, she's been an angel to me

Almost the whole family...Someone had to take the pic (missing Callico)

Karley loved the way Mackenzie and Sarah Cat would wake her up.  Yes, thats Mackey on to of her with a pillow.

Lenox, he's meant so much to me.  God blessed me with him.

KARLEY TURNED 19!  SHE WAS 7 WHEN I WAS DIAGNOSED.

I GOT TO SEND HER CAKES AND FLOWERS AT GA SOUTHERN!

I didn't have the money too spend, but had to celebrate her birthday far away. She's my angel.

It amazes me that God sent his only son, Jesus Christ, to die for our sins.  That is how much he loves us.  As a parent, that kind of sacrifice is not possible for me.  That just shows how much God truly loves us and we should all praise Him, in all circumstances.  There is a reason for everything.

GofundMe-Sam

Cliff Norton - Starting the day with God

As I sit here and drink my morning coffee on this quiet peaceful Saturday morning, I watched a new day begin.  And it all came rushing back.  The reason I quit advocating,  I'm going to Cliff Norton's services next weekend.

I talked to him last November 13, and since moving to Jacksonville, I wanted to meet up with him for lunch but while planning, he had to take a call.  He returned my call later that day and I forgot to call him back.  I thought I would wait on the Holidays to be over.  I thought I had TIME.  Don't we all?

I, never in a million years, would've predicted my Godly inspiration would be going home the first day of 2024.  I loved reading his words of encouragement each day.  He is a funny man and football rival who I would tease because I'm a UGA fan.  He always had a quick witted smart remark since UGA has been dominating so much lately.

I would always be up against him and Stephanie Kohn. We lost Stephanie in 2021, the year my father passed.  Cliff helped me through so much.  Now they are reunited in heaven with their love for the Gators.  

But, I will not be discouraged.  Cliff would want us to carry on and fight.  He would tell us that we are here to bring people closer to Christ and to not be discouraged.  Because we may have troubles in this life, but Christ has overcome the world.  - John 16:33

So, the man, the legend, and my personal inspiration is home and no longer has to suffer.  He's been set free, and in the end, that's all we could hope for.  I'll see you on the other side my friend.  I love you and thank you for the inspiration you always gave to everyone.

I've written a article for Healthline with more detail but this is my picture place, my journal for the world, my journal for my daughter, my baby.  His service will be Jan 20 at 5:30 in Jacksonville for those who want to attend,

In honor of Kelly Shannon

We talked before this, but if you look in the background, Cliff is in the white shirt and I'm in the blue next to him.  We were both speakers at Jacksonville's "Free to Breathe" event.  It was the first time we met face to face back in 2015.

to say we were friendly rivals was an understatement

But we always laughed with each other

Rest In Paradise sweet friend.  I shall see you again. 

My favorite song and one he quoted often, Casting Crowns - Scars in Heaven. PLEASE LISTEN

He is free from this disease.  He won.