Twelve years ago today I was sitting at the bar with some friends and my lil sis. It was around this hour I reached out for my first glass of wine and instead of grabbing it, I knocked it over with the back of my hand. It went all over the bar and POS system.
I didn't understand. My vision had been messing up lately "Because of Migraines", so they said. And I believed them because they were the doctors. The night went on and we all went to a few bars. Reggie was with us as well, the last picture of me before my life turned upside down is below with Reggie. Little did I know he was only 3 months behind.
That night I argued with my sister, I'm not even sure what it was about. I just know I got Reggie and Sonja and had them take me to a hotel near the bar because my head was killing me. It felt like everyone thought I was addicted to pain pills, I wasn't.
My head felt so full, and overnight in the hotel I continued to cry after fighting with my sister. Anyone who knows us, knows that we fight and then we are fine. We don't cry. But I couldn't stop, it was uncontrollable.
After Reggie took Sonja home, he drove me to my dads as Karley was at my mom’s and at this point I was vomiting a white liquid. I wasn't drunk that night. I couldn't control my emotions.
Reggie met my dad at his house and they helped me out of the car. By now my parents were thinking I had a pill problem too because I never talked to them about the headaches that wouldn't stop, the loss of vision, my head feeling as if it were so full, and the uncontrollable body movements and emotions.
My dad led me into the house and thanked Reggie. I immediately laid down on the couch. I don't know how long I lay there, but I heard the clock ticking. Tik tok tik tok. After hours of just this, I told my dad that I needed one of them to take me to the hospital. He asked if I wanted him to take me or my mother. After careful consideration, I considered my mother would be least likely arrested if they didn't do anything, so my mom handed Karley over to him and we went to the hospital.
I don't remember much. I guess I had a scan because I do remember the ER doctor coming back in and telling us that she saw a shadow in my brain and I needed to be transferred to downtown Atlanta for brain surgery to remove the tumor.
My dad brought Karley up and I hugged her as they loaded me in the ambulance while she cried out for me. It ripped my heart out. The ambulance driver asked if I was still in pain. I replied, "yes, so much". She realized they were giving me morphine already. She was so kind and said, "Let me give you the good stuff". It was so good I don't remember anything until Tuesday when they were waking me up. I was fresh out of brain surgery.
And, my blog starts with then. It's been 12 years since the beginning of the new beginning. I had dormant scans last week, including bone, I give all the Glory to God, keeping me here to watch and to live through so many milestones. It hasn't been easy at all and I've documented my ups and downs.
You only need lungs to get lung cancer. This is Lung Cancer awareness month. The biggest myth of all is that only smokers get cancer.
The doctors gave me 12-18 months to live. Tuesday will be 12 years. 12 years ago was the beginning of my new beginning. And God has blessed this broken path that led me to where I am today. I may not be financially rich, but I am rich in love and empathy now and that is not the person I had been before the cancer. Cancer blessed us
"Trust in the Lord with all of your Heart, lean not on your own understanding" - Prov. 3:5-6
SCREW YOU CANCER, I'VE GOT GOD AND HE IS THE ALMIGHTY.
I'm exhausted so am going to cut it short. But just keep the Faith. Keep your hope alive. This is not the end, it's only the beginning of the beginning.
God bless you all! Enjoy all these little moments and memories we have been able to make, because they go by so quickly. Thank you God and thank you all for the prayers. They are working! My work is not done here. I'll write again soon!
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