Since then, it's kept going. Every time it gets harder because we get closer. We get each other. Nicole was spitfire. She got me. I miss her ever day.
Last night, at 9:47 pm, my soul sister Kelly gained her wings. That girl was a fighter, till the very end. She wasn't going to let cancer stop her from saying goodbyes to her loved ones.
I met Kelly a few years ago while doing a project for lung cancer awareness month. We were given a list and asked to choose 2 people to write about. I chose Kelly. I'm so glad I picked her. Our friendship flourished from there. If you go back in my blog and do a search, you'll find the one I wrote about her.
Kelly was so understanding and always there for me, night or day. When you have cancer, it's like your world stops...but in reality it doesn't. You see friends and family having fun and moving on without you. And the longer you have it, they begin to forget that you are living beyond the statistics, but that could change in an instant. Kelly never made me feel left out, and when I was down, she could always pick me back up.
I really can't begin to describe the optimistic way she handled this illness. She was always full of beauty and grace. She we would be barely able to breathe...but worried about me.
I was supposed to go see her a while ago. I drove to Atlanta for my flight, but unfortunately got strep throat. I didn't want to expose her so I made the long trip back to St. Simons. That is the day she would go to the hospital for the last time. That is the day I was supposed to be leaving New York and giving her hugs goodbye. Her oxygen levels dropped and they could barely get them back up. She was soon admitted.
For the past year she's been in and out of the hospital. Always bouncing back. Not letting cancer win. And it didn't, it died when she left us. It's dead and it can no longer cause her pain and heartbreak.
There's so many stories I have, it's too much to write. I'll forever keep them in my memory and try hard as hell to remember her voice. She said she always wanted a sister. Then she asked, "can we be soul sisters? I always wanted one". Of course! That's when she started calling me sissy. Such a term of endearment, my heart is shattered into a billion pieces. Not only does her leaving hurt so much, but it makes one wonder who is next.
The cancer community understands, both patients and caregivers. I guess that's why over half of my friends on fb have cancer. This life is short and unpredictable. Tell the people you love that you love them every day. You never know when it could be the last chance you get. I've included the last thing she read from me and the last things we said to each other. Also, "Hey Soul Sister" by Train ironically came on when I spoke to her friend Tiffany, who told me at that moment they were asking for family only to be in the room. I feel like it was some sort of sign from her.
Kelly, I know where you are. Yes, we will find each other in heaven. You will always be a huge chunk of my heart (what an understatement). I really don't know what I'm going to do without you. You came into my life with your rainbows and butterflies and unicorns and lifted me up. You always lifted me up. This is the worst post I've ever written because it doesn't begin to do you justice. You were, and still are, our unicorn. I can't wait to see you again, free from the doctors, hospitals, machines, and the havoc this disease caused in general. I love you to the moon and back and no one will ever replace you in my heart. It's not goodbye. I'll see you later, and I'll bring snapchat. We can make silly videos. Save me a seat sissy. I'm going to miss you so much until then.
Thank you all for your prayers. I usually "like" each individual one. I'm just not up to social media. Please pray for her father Tom, I can't imagine the pain of losing his only girl so young. A parent should never have to bury his child. Also, please pray for her two young boys and the rest of her friends and family to have peace and strength during this difficult time. Thank you Tiffany for constantly keeping me up to date because I know Tom couldn't. And thank you Chris for the pep talk. This is a huge blow to our entire lung cancer community.
Sorry if I made any grammar or spelling mistakes. I'm sure my little sister will message me after she reads this, she's like my editor that I don't have to pay. Love you Kelly, to the moon and back...