Cliff Norton - Starting the day with God

As I sit here and drink my morning coffee on this quiet peaceful Saturday morning, I watched a new day begin.  And it all came rushing back.  The reason I quit advocating,  I'm going to Cliff Norton's services next weekend.

I talked to him last November 13, and since moving to Jacksonville, I wanted to meet up with him for lunch but while planning, he had to take a call.  He returned my call later that day and I forgot to call him back.  I thought I would wait on the Holidays to be over.  I thought I had TIME.  Don't we all?

I, never in a million years, would've predicted my Godly inspiration would be going home the first day of 2024.  I loved reading his words of encouragement each day.  He is a funny man and football rival who I would tease because I'm a UGA fan.  He always had a quick witted smart remark since UGA has been dominating so much lately.

I would always be up against him and Stephanie Kohn. We lost Stephanie in 2021, the year my father passed.  Cliff helped me through so much.  Now they are reunited in heaven with their love for the Gators.  

But, I will not be discouraged.  Cliff would want us to carry on and fight.  He would tell us that we are here to bring people closer to Christ and to not be discouraged.  Because we may have troubles in this life, but Christ has overcome the world.  - John 16:33

So, the man, the legend, and my personal inspiration is home and no longer has to suffer.  He's been set free, and in the end, that's all we could hope for.  I'll see you on the other side my friend.  I love you and thank you for the inspiration you always gave to everyone.

I've written a article for Healthline with more detail but this is my picture place, my journal for the world, my journal for my daughter, my baby.  His service will be Jan 20 at 5:30 in Jacksonville for those who want to attend,

In honor of Kelly Shannon

We talked before this, but if you look in the background, Cliff is in the white shirt and I'm in the blue next to him.  We were both speakers at Jacksonville's "Free to Breathe" event.  It was the first time we met face to face back in 2015.

to say we were friendly rivals was an understatement

But we always laughed with each other

Rest In Paradise sweet friend.  I shall see you again. 

My favorite song and one he quoted often, Casting Crowns - Scars in Heaven. PLEASE LISTEN

He is free from this disease.  He won.

UPDATE - Scan results and pics...(not what I hoped for but I'll take it)

So, we dropped Karley off at Georgia Southern and then I came to Atlanta for scans.  I know I haven't posted in a while, but I'm still here.  I promise to let you all know if I start going downhill.  Nothing worse than reading a lung cancer friend died and you didn't get to say goodbye.

My friend Jessie and I hung out Sunday.  It was super fun.  However, her medication has begun effecting her heart.  Therefore, she's decided to discontinue it at this time.  December will be 8 years of living with lung cancer for her.

I had all of my scans yesterday in hopes that we could spread them out because copays are killing me.  The good news is, there is no knew cancer.  It is still stable and not causing any issues.

The bad news is, I've had another stroke, further damaging my brain.  It happened in the occiputal lobe I believe from the results. It's a distinct FLAIR so my oncologist is getting with my neuro-oncologist on how to proceed.  For now, I'm still on blood thinners and am starting a baby asprin in the mornings.

I have noticed that not only is my memory declining, but it's becoming harder for me to think of words or even spell them.  (so no jokes peeps!). And sometimes I feel like my eyes are crossing.  I'm following up again in 3 months.

I feel very blessed that I'm still here and got to help Karley move in to college.  I got to watch her graduate.  These are milestones that were virtually impossible in 2012.  And some of my closest friends didn't get to experience these.  I know God isn't done with me yet.

Please don't take this as a discouraging post.  It's far from it.  It's been almost 11 years!  And I've had a very good life and don't plan on going anywhere.  But if I do, my friends and family (especially my girl Karley) better remember how much I love them and no tears.  None of us are guaranteed tomorrow.  

You know I love to throw in pics of milestones and my girl and things we do.  

I did lose my best friend, Amanda.  I can't remember what happened, but I know she doesn't want to talk to me anymore.  I'be been worried about her.  I think I worried too much..  We were going to live together after our kids went to college. Because I can't afford to live without a roommate with disability.  So, within a year my entire life plan changed.  I really don't have a plan at the moment.  It's just hard thinking about everything and everyone I've lost over the past few years.

But here are some milestone and fun day pics.  Enjoy and I'll keep you all updated. Oh yeah, we moved out of our house after 8 years.  It was sad.  So many great memories. It's so crazy.  Where do I go from here? (besides more doctors 😞)

Like no more strokes?

My Heart

Jessie

These things terrify me

Had to get a selfie

Too fast - I remember signing her up for school here

The "moms" - our kids have been friends since Kindergarten

Graduation was freezing rain

Last mother daughter day before college- Barbie-I cried

Yes..She did that to her coach while walking at graduation. lol

Family Photo

Oglethorpe Point Elementary Class of 2023

Moms and daughters in that order -we go WAY back

Graduation and Jennifer Goare made it!

The dynamic duo

Georgia Southern Bound Pirates

Best friends and Varsity Volleyball stars

Class of 2023

One of my favorite senior pics

Counselor in training - Camp Connect

Got to see my lil sis and nieces after 2 years!

Karley's Dorms

GA Southern move-in day

My favorite pic of these two Besties

Love these girls

Lost

 It's now March 2023.  Never, in my wildest dreams did I think I would survive this long.  It's somewhat of a catch 22 at this point.  I'm so blessed that I'm here and will get to see Karley graduate, then she'll be off to college.

I didn't plan to make it this long.  What am I supposed to do now?  I get ssdi. in the amount of $2,000 a month.  I have good and bad days and I have to move this summer.  My former boss gave me some money to pay off any debts and I could not be more grateful for the time he has been in my life.  17 years, he's like a second father.

It'll be 2 years this month since my dad left us to go home to the Lord.  I thought I would go before everyone, but God keeps me here.  

And at this path in my life, I'm not sure what to do.  I can't afford rent, utilities, groceries, dr. appts and car insurance on my income.  Much less help Karley.  I had a plan for someone to help me out, that I've been counting on forever.  I would do the books and he would pay my rent.  

Well, that didn't work out and I just found out yesterday.  The week that I've had has been unbelievable.  For two weeks I was hardcore working day and night.  I was exhausted and thought it was part time, had no idea so much would be involved.   It was so stressful I'm still tired.  I did the best I could, but sometimes people can be so caught up in what they are doing, they don't see what you can still bring to the table.   

My friend and co-owner of the antique store I have a booth in was stabbed in the neck by a homeless person.  We weren't sure if he was going to make it and I kept thinking I stepped away from a lot of the lung cancer community, and he was safe.  So I wouldn't lose this friend.  And just the fact I almost did sent me over the edge.  Of course I looked incompetent to my new job so that is out the window.  

I think I'm having PTSD or something.  I just feel pain in my stomach to my heart.  It's hard to focus and concentrate.  I really want to not move, but I don't have a choice since my landlord has been so kind and let me stay so long.  

And now I'm not working with that guy anymore, someone I've counted on, how do I live?  I can't afford my own place but want one so Karley can visit.  Without her I feel numb.  If anyone is looking for a bookkeeper or someone to help set up HR, please let me know.   Or any ideas at this point would be great.  I'm so tired and lost and have just given it to God.  Anyway, any suggestions would be great.  Even open to a roommate.  I'll post more later.  I'm suddenly so tired.  I'll continue tomorrow.  Good night all

Catch Up, Cancerversary, and more

 Today is my official 10 year Cancerversary.   The doctors gave me a year to live.   NEVER LISTEN TO THEIR PROJECTIONS.  Let me tell you why.  

I was preparing for the past 10 years to die.  I saved money for Karley, but not myself.  I've planned for Karley's college, but not my future.  Of course I had somewhat of a plan beginning this year.  It was a plan that got me through until Thanksgiving.  That's when it completely fell apart.  So, it's just myself and the dogs, and I'm so lost.  

My disability will not cover somewhere where I can keep both of them but they love each other so much.  I can't bare to separate them.  I had someone I was going to live with.  Someone that has let me down in the past, but of course, I trusted too much.  I wanted to be able to be at peace for the time I really get sick and need help.  

I've since come to learn, I'm alone.  My sister is in San Diego and my mother isn't going to live forever, we are all getting older, but to say I'm scared is an understatement.  I'm terrified.  I can't think of anything else other than hospital hospice.  

I didn't plan for it or want it and there is no way I'm making Karley take care of me.  I want her to live life to the fullest, not be bogged down with my issues.  

I've been let down before, but the realization that I must move in 7 months, alone, is just kicking in.  Thank you God for Xanax.  I plan on leaving this area and am going to head north since my mom is in Atlanta.  

When you trust someone with your future when you have cancer, you should be able to fully trust them.  Honestly, it's so shameful to let down someone with this disease.  And it's not just that person.  So many people think, "10 years, she's fine, she survived".  But, that's not true.  The cancer lays dormant and can come back at any time.  So, both the person I loved and my very best friend have both abandoned me, or let me down to the point they would be toxic in my life.

I keep questioning God what I did to deserve this.  I try to help people to the point I get overwhelmed.  You can really only count on yourself in this world.  Put your faith in God and see where it takes you.  These next few months should be interesting.  I get to put a whole new future plan together, after living here for 17 years.  

I'm happy I am here to see Karley graduate.  It was another milestone I needed to accomplish.  And to all those who I've loved that have gone before me, I feel somewhat guilty.  You can't help but feel survivors guilt when you've lost so many friends.  

Anyways, these are my thoughts for tonight. The Pirates of the Spanish Main did the second annual white ribbon project on the island today.  I plan on writing a whole separate blog about that in a few days.  

Otherwise, just realize not only do I feel survivors guilt, I'm also trying to figure out how to survive.  Please enjoy these pics of Senior night at Glynn Academy Volleyball.   Our girls made it to the elite eight in the state but they all caught the flu and had no energy!  Still super proud of them making it this far!

By the way, Riley Mansfield and Karley are so close that I couldn't even look at the two of them without crying, or Alyssa, Riley's mom.  They've played together so long and Riley leaves for Tulane in January, the day before Karley's birthday.  I have loved the love these girls have had for each other from Karate when little to volleyball throughout.  

You can pinpoint the exact moment I  started crying.  On the overhead, they said, "when asking Karley who is her biggest inspiration, she said 'my parents'".   It's in the pictures.  I don't think I stopped because they asked Riley what the best part about playing volleyball has been, they announced that she said, "The friendships that you make".  And she and Karley just looked at each other.  I was a hot mess that night.  I didn't stop crying.  

Life is a rollercoaster.  And I cherish every second of these moments when I get to be here for things I wasn't supposed to be here for.  And I give all the glory to God.  

I also promise to start blogging more.  How else are you all to know where I end up!  I'll update the white ribbon project Wed. or Thur.  In the meantime, God bless!