Forever Young - Molly Golbon

I am at somewhat at a loss for words today, but am going to do the best I can.

Arash Golbon found me on a social media site a few years ago.  He realized that his wife, Molly, and I both had the same form of lung cancer.  Stage 4 NSCLC Adenocarcinoma EGFR,positive with a deletion of exon 19.  That is pretty specific to say the least.

Arash contacted me and we became very good friends.  We always tried to look for the silver lining or talk about anything to change the subject from this awful disease.  Although, he was so well versed in treatments, I went to him for everything.  Molly was diagnosed about a year after me, if that.  They have two young daughters.  Arash was always researching and keeping up with treatments.  He was determined to save her.

Molly and I were on the same treatment for a while.  But, regardless of how specific our cancers were, we were still different somehow.  I began progression but it was radiated and I stayed on my current medication.  Molly began progression and it went to her brain and throughout her lungs.  Each treatment she endured failed her.  She was a fighter.  She did not want to leave this world, she was too young with too much to live for.  It has been a roller coaster for them, as it is for all of us living this life.  A life where no one gets it, except for the people you're most likely to lose.  It's a crapshoot.

And then, there is the emotional turmoil you face.  If living with this doesn't make you some kind of crazy, I'm not sure you're mortal.  I have lost friends along the way, a lot of them.  I can't cope with a lot of things.  I just sleep to deal with it.  Sometimes I feel like I'm sleeping what's left of my life away.  I've learned things can go from NED to death in a matter of months.  I've also learned I don't want to go out without getting the chance to say "I'm sorry" to loved ones I've wronged, for being selfish.  I get panicky about it.  I also never want to leave Karley, my world.

But this hit close to home more than any other of my friends.  Maybe it's because Arash and I have been close for so long, or maybe it's because we have the same cancer.  I don't know the answer.

Molly was braver than I could ever be.  She continued working while sick.  I think she was determined not to let the cancer take her.  Her family was her life.  And right now Arash needs our prayers so much.  Not only did he lose his wife, but he has two young girls he has to be strong for because they just lost their mother to a disease that has been so poorly underfunded it makes me sick.

Lung cancer is such a beast.  It doesn't discriminate.  I don't know all the answers, but I know God has a plan for all of us.  Right now, it makes no sense to me, at all.  I'll never turn my back on God but I can't wait to get those answers.

This has turned my world upside down.  Not just Molly's passing, but everything in general.  I'm afraid of losing anymore friends so I panic. not just to cancer but to them leaving me.  I know I'm not the life of the party and sometimes am in bed at 8 p.m.  But that's my life now.And I'm a bit selfish, so don't make the best of friends.  I love you Amanda, thank you for always watching out for me and putting up with my "crazy ass".   You're the best friend anyone could ever have and I'm blessed to have you in my life.

Another issue is the way I look.  I don't look sick.  When you don't look sick, people forget that you are.  They don't forgive like you do.  They don't love like you do.  They don't constantly think that this can go downhill in a heartbeat.  "The trouble is, you think you have time" - Buddah.  None of us are promised tomorrow.

Hold your loved ones close, forgive, and just try to be happy with what you have.  There is always someone out there who's worse off than you.  Pray for them.

Thank you all for your continuous prayers and please pray for the Golbon family.  A mother's love is so great, it breaks my heart these poor girls won't see that growing up, but I know Arash will keep her memory alive.

God bless you all.  Rest in paradise Molly.