I got the call Friday while driving home from Atlanta. I had to cross 4 lanes of traffic to vomit on the side of the road, I was crying so hard. I try to be hopeful, but lately it's been hard. I waited too long to go visit her. I will never forgive myself for that, and please don't tell me I should. I had no idea how sick she really was. She would always worry about everyone else who meant something to her. She would seriously facebook stalk and track down their friends and family to make sure they were okay.
She sent me silly snapchats to cheer me up on a regular basis ever since we met in person at the LUNGevity Hope Summit last year. We also texted and talked on a regular basis. She quickly became one of my closest friends. I told her she was thug. But, she always ended up making fun of me for being thug when I got mad. We shared the same views on a lot of things, such as how you say a loved one has passed away. She felt that if she wrote it, everyone could get over the way she says it because those are her thoughts and words. And who are we to judge? She was right. Totally and completely right.
She was spitfire. She didn't sugarcoat things. I LOVED that about her. She didn't put up with anything. Most of the time I don't either. To me, Nicole was fearless, except when it came to leaving her loved ones behind. She didn't worry about herself. She worried about everyone else. I know she was so tired of living in this cancer world. She took breaks but she LIVED. With her family, she really LIVED. She didn't let cancer define her. She defined the way we should be living with cancer.
There are no words I can say to make anything better, other than, she is no longer in pain. She is gone from this world that was making her so sad due to cancer. I believe she's our guardian angel now.
After Nicole passed, I posted I wouldn't be attending the Hope Summit. Ron Fong told me to make a page. Ron and I share a lot of the same beliefs. He is an angel on this earth. Within 10 hours the lung cancer community raised $1,650 to go. I was amazed. I am so blessed that so many people cared enough to donate for me to go. But what was truly amazing, is that Katie posted there were more people. As if it were an instruction from God and Nicole herself, it became a domino effect. Our community began raising so much money. We needed that love, that hope, that unity to help those who couldn't go otherwise. Now we can share stories, love and hope. There are angels walking among us. God bless them for working with man upstairs and Nicole on getting us together. That was the main reason she wanted to go. To see her friends. Well Nicole, we will be there and there is no way your presence won't be.
I love you my friend. Thank you for making me laugh, cry, angry, and to purely LIVE like there's no tomorrow. You took a piece of my heart. Hold onto it until I see you again. I have so much more to say, but I don't know how to put it into words.
Thank you all for your continuous prayers. Love you all. God bless.