Sunday, June 4, 2017

More Living with It

I've been struggling a little lately.  I don't care too much to think about my future, or what's to come, so I've been trying to fill that void.  I'm so glad I went to church today.  It is definitely what my soul has been needing.  We talked about how we go through troubles so that we may be closer to God.

I feel like I haven't been on the right path lately.  I need to be on that path.  I'm by far not perfect, I know I'm a sinner, but I need to be better person.  Eating kale does not make me a better person Lisa Goldman.

I think that God has done an amazing job on our Karley.  She just got back from a christian camp and has been sad since she got back.  When others decided to be saved during the camp, she cried.  My girl has such a strong faith.  That, in itself, gives me a peace beyond all understanding.  I'm not scared anymore because of it.  It was what I worried about for so long, but our church family has helped her find God, and of all the things I could be proud of her for, this, I am proud of the most.

I hung out the other night with Jaysen, an old friend from work, along with NJ and Brent.  It was bittersweet.  We hadn't been hung out in so long, but once again, there was a void.  That void couldn't be filled.  It's coming up on a year next month.  I can't believe it's been almost a year, the worst day of my life besides being given a timeline myself.  Some things you just can't unsee, no matter how hard you try.  But one thing he taught me, don't settle.  Don't be normal or mundane.  Because "sam, you're not made for this, you are brilliant and made for so much more".  And maybe he was right.  But it's hard to feel that way when you live in a constant state of "should I plan years out or not?"  Screw it.  I'm gonna plan years out.  And I hope all my friends plan their years and we all look back at this and laugh at how much the stress consumed us.

For now, thank you all for your continuous prayers.  Please keep them coming.  And please pray for strength while I make difficult decisions.  God bless you all.

Karley's Camp - That's my girl, tall one in the back!

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