Love Lost, Love Found

Well, this is my blog and I am always completely honest on it.  So here it goes.

Let's talk about Love Found first.  My cousin, John Allen Mixon, married his college sweetheart, Callie Johnson this past weekend.  I was so honored to be able to attend.  The wedding was absolutely beautiful and so well planned  They found love quite some time ago and I couldn't be happier for my younger cousin.  I just wish my Uncle Jerry (his father) had been able to attend, but I believe he watched from heaven.  I've added some pictures below, they are absolutely beautiful.  I also never get to see my family from Atlanta, and was blessed to see them.

I went to the rehearsal dinner and wedding alone though.  That is part of my Love Lost.  After the hurricane, Brent and I decided to separate.  We are going in different directions.  I still love both him and Livi, but it became apparent we could no longer live together.  We are both okay with this.  We just have different priorities in life.  I know that this will be better in the long run.   Brent is a wonderful man and deserves so much.   I haven't been single since like 7th grade.  And I have so much going on in my life, it's not normal and really hard for people to understand my emotional roller coaster.  I just hope Karley and Livi will always be there for each other when they need it, I will always be here for Livi and Brent if they need it.

So, don't worry about me, I'm doing good, except financially.....ugh.  I debated a while about writing about our separation but I figured, this is my life.  A lot of us go through it.  We just have to keep going.

Thank you for all of your continuous prayers and please pray for Kelly and Nicole, some of my LC besties.  This is a tough disease, but these are tough women.  Especially with God on our side.

God bless you all!

Enjoy the pics!

I think another hurricane was coming through....

Night and Day

Yesterday, we had an amazing time at the new Mercedes Benz Stadium watching the Falcons and Bills while representing Team Draft.  Although we lost, I heard a Buffalo fan apologize to an Atlanta fan about one our players being hurt.  He was sincere, honest, and it made my heart do a little flip flop.  There's been so much hate going on in the world, it was good to see fans all getting along.

I had been super mad at someone I considered a friend both Saturday and Sunday.  Then I realize, if that person can do that to you, were they really your friend?  The answer is no.  Some people in this world only worry about themselves, don't honor commitments or responsibilities, and don't seem to sympathize or acknowledge all you do for them, selflessly.  This morning I woke up to an apology, but I was still livid.  Doesn't mean I don't forgive this person.  It just means that I won't forget it or go out of my way for them, especially with the very little remorse shown.

After receiving the text, I noticed a ton of alerts about a shooting in Vegas.  I get Jacksonville and Atlanta alerts too so I didn't pay much attention to it.  But the alerts kept coming in and I finally read the story.  As I read, I couldn't stop the tears from falling.  You see, I have cancer, stage 4.  I was put on notice to make amends, forgive, love, and enjoy every day as if it were your last.  I'm not saying I'm lucky by any means.  Sometimes it's the hardest thing in the world to know it's coming.

But these people in Las Vegas, they had no notice, no chance to make amends, to forgive, to tell their loved ones they love them.  I know death happens every day this way to plenty of people.  But the sheer amount of people involved makes this unbelievable.  It is a day I will never forget, like Orlando, like 9/11, like Virginia Tech, like Sandy Hook, like Columbine.   I know where I was and what was going on and I'm just praying for all of the people that were just trying to enjoy a concert and LIVE their life.   They weren't given a warning.  Karley's grandfather wasn't given a warning when driving that fateful day.  And although it's a crazy thought, I'm thankful I was given notice, because the person I was becoming was not someone I liked.  I changed, I was given a second chance.  Those people weren't.

I love to go out, have fun, LIVE life, but today, I just feel like I can't.  I have a knot in the pit of my stomach and the tears keep coming.

I guess my point is, putting all differences aside, I love all of you and sometimes senseless tragedies like this occur and put things back into perspective for me.  All I have in my heart right now, regardless of how we've interacted lately, is love.  Because in the end, we know that's all that remains.

Thank you Team Draft for taking us to the game to help change the face of lung cancer.  Even with those two teams in a nail biter, you could feel the love.

Please pray for the people and families caught up in the Vegas shooting.   And thank you all for your continuous prayers and please keep them coming.  I have my annual MRI scheduled for the 4th and I'm done with scans for the year!  Also, please pray for a few of my really close friends.  Lung cancer is relentless and I need these girls so much.

God bless.

"What to say or do with Cancer Patients"101

So after my last blog where I totally told everything I could about what not to say or do, I left people wondering what they can do.  I can't speak for the cancer community as a whole, but for me, these are some things I enjoy below.  I don't always have days where I can get out of bed for one reason or another.  It's not that I'm lazy, it could be any number of side effects for my meds.  In fact, today is one of those days.

Well, I hope you find these useful.  They are for me.

1.  "Hey Sam, want to go out?"  Me: "I'm kinda tired"......A good response would be, "you want to rent a movie and just stay in or I'll just come over and watch TV with you."  Tired doesn't always mean tired in our world.  A lot of times it means depressed and being with your friend, even if they don't want to talk, just being there, means more than you'll ever know.  Couldn't have survived my first year without my friends and family.

2.  Tell others appropriately.....respect my wishes.  In the beginning I didn't want anyone to know.  My friends didn't tell anyone until I said it was okay.

3.  Come cook me some dinner or even better, bring some yummy take-out on bad days.

4.  I have a very active daughter, offer to have her come over and hang out so I can rest.  She's always on the go and loves to be that way.  I always feel like I'm such a bore to her.

5.  Ask me if there is anything you can do to help, be specific as to what you would be willing to do and FOLLOW THROUGH.   A lot of times when people say "What can I do?", they totally mean well, I get it.  But there are a lot patients like me that HATE to put people out.  So unless your specific, I'll say nothing.  Some good examples are: "Would you like me to come clean your house?" "Can I pick up your prescriptions?"  "Can I bring you lunch" when I'm super tired would be embarrassing but amazing!

6.  Just acknowledge my feelings.  Don't tell me how I should feel.  Try to be empathetic.  I have a daily fight for my life.  I'm gonna be a little crazy sometimes, so please don't stay mad at me if I do something stupid.  Just tell me I hurt you or I'm acting crazy.  A lot of times, that just snaps me out of it.

7.  Listen.  Really listen.  If I'm talking about worries for my future or Karleys future or the cancer, don't just watch tv while I'm talking or play on your phone.  Acknowledge you are trying to understand what I'm going through physically and emotionally every day.  Don't make me feel lazy.

8.  Laugh.  Laugh with me.  Buy me silly stuff that makes absolutely no sense or do stuff that makes no sense.  My friend Brad created a character he turned himself into just to make me laugh, and he's a little crazy.  Laughter is so good for the soul.

9.  Make plans with me but don't get mad if I cancel last minute.  I'm just winging it here.  Please try to be flexible.

10.  Just because I look better or normal doesn't mean I am.  Please don't abandon me when you think I'm ok.  Because with my type of cancer, it will never be ok.

11.  Let me cry.  Sometimes I need this.  I try to be so strong for everyone but I can't.  It builds up until I go full on breakdown.  Just say you're so sorry and this sucks.

12.  Keep in touch.  Don't abandon me.  Call every once in a while to see how things are going.  I won't blog forever.

13. Talk about stuff other than cancer.  I love this because some days, when I'm feeling good, I totally forget I have it.  Those are the best days.  Don't always treat me like I have cancer unless I'm not feeling good.

Things to Say:

14 "I'm so sorry"

15.  "I care about you"

16.  "I'm always here to listen if you need to talk"

17.  "Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you"

18.  "This sucks, I'm so sorry" - my personal favorite

Now all cancer patients are different, but hopefully some of these will resonate with some and others can learn from it.  I know I sound like a total cancer dictator, but this is the only way to get my point across.  Because for every person that thought Mind over Matter worked in my last blog, there is another thinking that way but we need more than Mind over Matter.

PS  I'm not lazy!  I'm exhausted.

Thank you all for your continuous prayers and encouragement.  You have no idea how much they truly mean.

Also, EGFR patients.  A friend of mine is starting a database where we can learn from each other different treatments and connect.  More to come, but if you are interested, please email me.

God Bless

And say a prayer for these people too.  I couldn't add all my Lung Cancer friends but I did as many as I could.  These are the ones that are living with it.  Including me of course!  And can't believe I forgot this final one.....

Surprise me with some Mexican Food!  #tacos