Getting back into the routine...slowly

It's so nice be home.  I don't think Karley let go of me all night when I arrived Oct. 8th. It's been a while since my last post so will catch you all up.

Church was AMAZING today.  I was fighting tears the whole time!

I've had a little pain in the same areas as before as well as a huge red burn mark on my back from the radiation.  The treatment I received is relatively new in lung cancer but clinical results have been promising.  I can still feel the pain in my back where the main tumor resides.  It has to be near a nerve because it's causing issues with my neck too.  The docs did warn me it may get worse before it gets better and it would take a while to see full results *hence 12/13/13.

Since the main tumor progressed, I've begun researching 2nd line treatments for when Tarceva becomes resistant.  Inspire.com and smartpatients.com are very helpful sites, not only for lung cancer, but to speak with all types of people with different ailments.  I'm just working on a Plan B.  Always proactive.

I don't get too carried away though.  My faith keeps me grounded and only do I research those things when I'm tired.  They make me sleepy.

Cancer is something no one wants, especially the beast of all cancers.  No one wants to hear terminal.

Well, if it weren't for cancer, I may  not have changed my life the way I did.  I went from a workaholic, mean, unforgiving, bitch....to someone that loves and enjoys life.  Cancer taught me what matters, and what doesn't.  It opened my eyes to everything God has blessed us with, and although it sucks...it rocks for doing that to me.   My life would have turned out a lot worse.  I woke up, it took cancer to do it.  Maybe I needed cancer.  I can imagine a million ways that God could have turned me around that would have been worse. I'm thankful He's given me this chance to change and make things right.

I don't want it anymore.  But I do want to shout from the rooftops how He cured me.  Because if He can create the heavens and the earth and everything here.....He can cure my cancer.

Please sign the petition on my facebook page in an effort to change American Cancer Society's view and event practices towards Lung Cancer Awareness.  They aren't helping with our stigma in the least.

Thank you for praying for my friend Shelley Miller, she's doing much better.

Reggie still needs our prayers, he's not a big talker about it, but I know him and know he needs them.

Please continue to remember the following additional people in your prayers:   Reggie Kimbell, Marjorie Polk,Tim Gravitt, Shelley Miller, Sheila Hodges, Seanna Reannon New, Peggy Fogerty, Gretchen Mitchell Anderson, Dylan Rosier, Tori Tomalia, and James Robert Smith.  They still all have their own battles.

Reggie still has an active fundraiser to help pay his medical bills, especially now with his additional medical expenses.  It's at Reggie's Fundraiser.  Reggie needs our help now even more now!

Thank you for your continuous prayers for me and my family. The support of my church, friends, and family has been truly amazing.  I can't imagine getting this far without you all, but most importantly, without our Lord.  I praise Him for the strength He gives me every day.

In bible study, we were asked  a question along the line of, "How can we use faith in our daily life?"  My response was, "How can we not?  I would be a basket case by now!"  God bless you all!

1 Peter 5:6 -7
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you"

Finished radiation...ready to go home!

Today was my last day of radiation.  It was a little disappointing.  In the beginning, it seemed as though I could possibly go into remission, so positive.  However, after finishing today, he said our goal is to control the disease.  Maybe he's just trying not to get my hopes up, but I'm trying to stay positive regardless.  We won't know how well I responded until December 13th.  I'm praying for a good outcome.

I am super excited about going home tomorrow.  I've missed Karley more than I ever imagined.  I love her so much and this has been the longest span of time without her.  She's the light of my life.

I've been kind of nauseated and really tired throughout this whole process.  Each treatment took over an hour because of the way I had to hold my breath each field.  It's been taking a few days to feel better.  I did muster up the energy to go out to dinner with my sister for her birthday.  I was so excited she came, I've missed her so much!  I hate living so far away from everyone.  We had a great time.  She's in her 30s now :)  I'm also struggling to write this blog so forgive grammatical, content, and spelling errors!

I had to miss my friend Marjorie's fundraiser because of the radiation.  My sister and Reggie went and I heard she had a great turnout.  She deserves it.  We are still praying every day for strength and peace for her and her family.  Love you Marjorie!

My friend Shelley Miller also needs some extra prayers.  We met online, she also has lung cancer but has taken a quick turn for the worse and she now has blood clots and fluid around her heart.  A lot of people think I'm inspiring, but she and Marjorie both truly are.

Reggie still needs our prayers and has a battery of tests coming up to see if there is another underlying problem.

Please continue to remember the following additional people in your prayers:   Reggie Kimbell, Marjorie Polk,Tim Gravitt, Shelley Miller, Sheila Hodges, Seanna Reannon New, Peggy Fogerty, Gretchen Mitchell Anderson, Dylan Rosier and James Robert Smith.  They still all have their own battles.

Reggie still has an active fundraiser to help pay his medical bills, especially now with his additional medical expenses.  It's at Reggie's Fundraiser.  Reggie needs our help now even more now!

Gretchen Mitchell Anderson is also having a fundraiser on October 19th at Padre's Mexican Restaurant in Locust Grove, Georgia.

Thank you for your continuous prayers for me and my family.  They mean so much.  The support of my church, friends, and family has been truly amazing.  I can't imagine getting this far without you all, but most importantly, without our Lord.  I praise Him for the strength He gives me every day.

Here are some pictures from Brook's birthday.  And I'll leave you all with a verse I left with Shelley earlier today.  It's been used before, but one of my favorites!

Deuteronomy 31:6
"Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

The Plan

We went to see the Radiation Oncologist about what our next course of action will be.  He explained that the PetScan indicated the other tumors appeared to be inactive.  The only active cancer area was the main tumor, in the lower right lobe.  This is the tumor that has progressed and appears to have built a resistance to the Tarceva.  This was something we were aware may happen.

The plan is to begin radiation Monday.  I was fitted for the full body suit today.  Radiation to the chest is very different because when you breathe, your lungs move, making the tumor move.  This process makes radiation a little more difficult.

The radiation oncologist feels that we have a 90% chance of this radiation being effective in stopping the spread of the main tumor.  We are trying to kill it.  He was very positive, letting us know that radiation would probably not have been possible had the cancer still been widespread.

So, this is all good news.  I just let it go, gave it to God, and He's taking care of it!

I'm so thankful for this news. It does mean I'll be in Atlanta a lot over the next few weeks, but when the radiation oncologist used the words, "remission is possible", I was all for it!

I would like to thank God for listening to my prayers.  He knows how badly I want to be here for my sweet girl.  And thank all of you prayer warriors and supporters that have been praying for me.  Please don't stop!  I'll still be on the Tarceva forever and there are always things that can go wrong, but I'm not worrying about them.  I'm just living my life, and enjoying it.

Please continue to remember the following additional people in your prayers:   Marjorie Polk,Tim Gravitt, Shelley Miller, Sheila Hodges, Seanna Reannon New, Peggy Fogerty, Gretchen Mitchell Anderson, Dylan Rosier and James Robert Smith.  They still all have their own battles.

Please pray for strength and peace for Marjorie and her family right now.  She is having a fundraiser October 5th.  Please see Marjorie's Fundraiser to find out more information.

Reggie still has an active fundraiser to help pay his medical bills, especially now with his additional medical expenses.  It's at Reggie's Fundraiser.  Reggie needs our help now even more now!

Psalm 106:1

"Praise the Lord.  Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever."

Preliminary Results

Well, unfortunately we couldn't get the complete PetScan results today but will have them by Monday.

However, my oncologist looked at it before the radiologist read it.  So far, it looks like my primary tumor (on the outside of my lung) has progressed pretty rapidly.  This doesn't surprise me that much, I've had some neck and back pain and pain when taking a deep breath.  Since my oncologist couldn't see anything else other than the progression, it was decided to leave me on the Tarceva for now.

I won't be able to go home Sunday since I'm meeting with the radiation oncologist Monday.  My oncologist is expecting to do 3-5 consecutive days of stereotactic radiation, which will hopefully begin after my meeting Monday.

I'm praying this will stop the spread of this tumor.  It's in God's hands.

Please continue to remember the following additional people in your prayers:   Marjorie Polk,Tim Gravitt, Shelley Miller, Sheila Hodges, Peggy Fogerty, Gretchen Mitchell Anderson, Dylan Rosier and James Robert Smith.  They still all have their own battles.

Please pray for strength and peace for Marjorie and her family right now.  She is having a fundraiser October 5th.  Please see Marjorie's Fundraiser to find out more information.

Reggie still has an active fundraiser to help pay his medical bills, especially now with his additional medical expenses.  It's at Reggie's Fundraiser.  Reggie needs our help now even more now!

Thank you all for your continued support and prayers.  My faith in the power of our Lord is still strong, even with the news today.  None of us are alone, we are all in this together with Him.  The following verse gives me encouragement and peace. Even though I used it last time, I just feel like it's so appropriate right now.

John 14:27

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid"

Scanxiety

The week is finally here.  I'm going to have another PetScan Friday to see how the Tarceva is working.  I usually don't get that nervous before them, but I've had some shoulder and neck pain lately.  Although it's probably unrelated, once you have cancer, every time you have pain somewhere, you think it's related.

Last night I had a pretty emotional night.  Lately it's been about everyone else.  But last night, it was about me.  I literally dropped to my knees and begged God to have mercy on me and let everything be okay.  I cried for hours.  I haven't cried like that in a long time.  For some reason, it all became overwhelming after putting Karley to bed.  I thought about everything I may miss in her life.  I begged God to stay, to be able to be here for her.

I believe in miracles, and I definitely need one.  I know so many people going through tough times right now that need one too.  Please continue to remember the following additional people in your prayers:   Marjorie Polk,Tim Gravitt, Shelley Miller, Sheila Hodges, Peggy Fogerty, Gretchen Mitchell Anderson, Dylan Rosier and James Robert Smith.  They still all have their own battles.

Please pray for strength and peace for Marjorie and her family right now.  She is having a fundraiser October 5th.  Please see Marjorie's Fundraiser to find out more information.

Reggie still has an active fundraiser to help pay his medical bills, especially now with his additional medical expenses.  It's at Reggie's Fundraiser.  Reggie needs our help now even more now!

Thank you all for your continued support and prayers.  My faith in the power of our Lord is still strong, even if I have a bit of scanxiety.  None of us are alone, we are all in this together with Him.  The following verse gives me encouragement and peace, even when my world seems turned upside down.

John 14:27

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid"

Prayers, prayers, and more prayers...

I'm trying to get back to a regular blog schedule, but some weeks are very uneventful.  This happened to NOT be one of them.  Our church focused on healing at it's Sunday service.  It was amazing!

Thanks to a relentless Britni Adams, I finally attended Wednesday morning bible study.  I loved it and plan on getting my butt out of bed and going weekly now!

Some of you know, my dear friend Reggie had a follow up at Emory yesterday.  They actually called him a few weeks after his MRI and the surgeon wanted to see him.  We thought this may not be good.  It wasn't.

Reggie has another brain tumor, on the other side of the brain.  The surgeon at Emory explained that surgery was Reggie's only option now for that tumor.  The original tumor is still there as well.  Reggie is my family, I love him very much.  He needs our prayers so much right now.  If you try to contact him, he's got so much going on he may not respond right now.  I'm sure just sending prayers and support his was will help more than you know.  He doesn't want to talk about things, not even with me so please don't feel like he's shutting anyone out.  I'm the same way when I get bad news, except I've started blogging to express my feelings.  I'll post more once I found out, in the meantime...prayers!

Also, our friend Brad Busch is having surgery today for a broken ankle.  He will be out of work for a long time and has a rough road to recovery ahead.  Please pray for everything to go smoothly for him today.  Brad has been there too since day 1.  I love him and his wife Mandy very much too.  They are like family to us!

Please continue to remember the following additional people in your prayers:   Marjorie Polk, Tim Gravitt, Shelley Miller, Sheila Hodges, Peggy Fogerty, Gretchen Mitchell Anderson, Dylan Rosier and James Robert Smith.  They still all have their own battles.

Please pray for strength and peace for Marjorie and her family right now.  She is having a fundraiser October 5th.  Please see Marjorie's Fundraiser to find out more information.

Additionally, Reggie still has an active fundraiser to help pay his medical bills.  It's at Reggie's Fundraiser.  Reggie needs our help now even more now!

Thank you all for your continued support and prayers throughout my journey too. My faith in the power of our Lord is still strong.  None of us are alone, we are all in this together with Him.

Isaiah 53:5
"But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed."

Bad things happen to good people

Well, the roller coaster hit the high and is heading down for a brief moment, hopefully only a moment.  I've been asking myself why bad things happen to good people?

It's horrible that all of this has happened to so many of us.  These illnesses that are beyond our control and sometimes unstoppable.

But, as a Christian, I believe that this life on earth is only the land of shadows, and real eternal life has yet to begin.  The end is really our beginning.  This doesn't make things easier on our loved ones, or even ourselves when we think of people we are leaving behind.  I'm not necessarily speaking about myself here, because I'm doing okay for now with my treatment I'm praying.

I think a lot of suffering is a test to our faith in God.  Faith doesn't always mean you will live or things will go the way you planned.  It means that you believe He knows what He is doing.  There is a reason for all that will happen.  It doesn't mean we have to be happy about it, but we can do the best we can to accept it.  Life can change so quickly, I can't emphasize that enough.  Please don't worry about the little things and tell your loved ones how much they are loved every day.  You never know when it may be your last.

Please remember the following people in your prayers:  Reggie Kimbell, Marjorie Polk, Tim Gravitt, Shelley Miller, Sheila Hodges, Peggy Fogerty, Gretchen Mitchell Anderson, Dylan Rosier and James Robert Smith.  They still all have their own battles.

Please pray for strength and peace for Marjorie and her family right now.  She is having a fundraiser October 5th.  Please see Marjorie's Fundraiser to find out more information.

Additionally, Reggie still has an active fundraiser to help pay his medical bills.  It's at Reggie's Fundraiser.  Reggie is the reason I had to blog tonight.  It seemed like everything was okay, but now it's up in the air.  Reggie really needs our prayers right now.  I love you my friend!

Thank you all for your continued support and prayers throughout my journey too. I still have my faith and continue to believe that all of this is part of God's plan for me, wherever that may take me.  We all have our trials and tribulations, but are never alone, even in our darkest hour.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."