Thank You!

It's been over a month since my last post.  I guess you could say that's a good thing.  No news is good news right?

Well, today I finally gave in to this stupid cold I've been trying to fight off for a few days now.  So, while lying here in bed, I'll sum up this past month.

I went to Atlanta Wednesday May 9th for my 3 month CT Scan and results.  The scan actually made me sick this time, which it hasn't done before, but it wasn't too bad.  Friday we were to get results.

We arrived on time at the oncologist.  My dad was in some pain and had helped organize an event for me that was to take place the next day so I asked him to stay home.  I'm so glad he did.  As I was walking to go pay my copay, a piece of the laminate table was sticking out.  I am a fast walker, always have been.  I ran into that piece full force and it went through part of my leg above my thigh kneecap and back out (like some tribal piercing).

I didn't realize what had happened at first.  I was at the desk and suddenly realized a sharp pain in my leg.  I looked back at the table and notice a piece was missing.  Then I looked down and found that piece in my leg.  The office immediately pulled me to the back and put me in a wheelchair.  I am on blood thinners for life since my pulmonary embolisms in January.  I just wanted my results!  Then, the pain set in.  The oncologist took one look and said, "you're going to have to go to the ER".

So, my mom went downstairs to pull the car around while a nurse and the office manager wheeled me down in my white blood soaked jeans by this time.   I seriously looked like I got shanked in the oncologists office.  Many of you who are my friends on FB have heard this story and seen the pics, but for those who haven't, I've included some great ones.

After arriving at the ER I was immediately taken back.  Once the pain meds kicked in, all I wanted was my results.  Nevermind the piece of laminate sticking through my leg.   Well, my results and bloodwork were stable.  The office called me with the info.  I was thrilled (not about the leg).

The ER doc removed it the same way it went in after numbing it.  It was wrapped and I was given 7 days of antibiotics.  It's still so ugly right now healing up.  Not beach material at all!  That was enough for the day.  No celebration.  I just wanted to sleep.

The next day I arrived at Hammers Bar and Grill where my dad and co-workers were doing a benefit for me to help with medical bills.  I was amazed at the turnout.  People I haven't seen in years were there.  We all had a great time.  My old boss flew up from SSI and one of my friends drove up.  I was so glad they could make it.  They were able to raise over $6,000 for me.  It has been a tremendous help.  I owed so much from the embolisms, checkups, scans, tests, and the week long stay in the hospital.  And I had filed bankruptcy 16 days before I ended up in the hospital so couldn't include any of that.  So, now I feel like I can breathe thanks to all of my family and friends who came out and the ones that donated on the GoFundMe site along with the crew at Hammers.  I sincerely thank you!  They say it takes a village, and I love my village.  I was glad my whole family got to be there (mom, dad, and lil sis & brother in law).  It's very rare we are all in the same state.

There were plenty of raffles and we tried (unsuccessfully) to play volleyball.  Face it guys, we're getting old.  My daughter would have killed it out there.  Mandy Busch's efforts were my favorite.   Love you Mandy!  After a while, I became so hot that I started getting goosebumps.  I didn't think that was a good sign so my friend Norma Jean and I stayed at a hotel across the street.  She put cool compresses on me to bring my temp down.  She's always taking care of me somehow.

We had a pretty low key Memorial Day.  It rained here so we mainly just hung out at the house and Karley HAD to have Japanese food.  I told her she really needed to study up on her history.

So, that's about it for the month of May.  My dad turned a little bit older and had a unicorn cake at my event.  My 3 year old niece picked it out.  It had sparkles.  I am going to overload this post with pictures from the event, memorial day, and the some of the professional shots from LUNGevity that came out, thanks to their photographer, Ellis.  Enjoy, and I promise not to take so long to write again!  May was a good month.  I've noticed my fatigue increase a little, but I'm still so blessed to be here.

Thank you all for your continuous prayers for my family, friends and me.  I don't know where we would be without them.  Thank you God for allowing me to have this time with the people I love.

Hammer's Event

LUNGevity Extras

Shanked

Memorial Day

I still have so much faith in mankind because of all of you.

Roar

Ok, so I'm not 12, but I absolutely love this song by Katie Perry.  The lyrics start out like this

"I used to bite my tongue and hold my breathe
scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sat quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I that forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing so I fell for everything

You held me down but I got up
already brushing off the dust,
you hear my voice, you hear that sound
like thunder gonna shake the ground,
you held me down but I got up
Get ready cause I had enough,
I see it all, I see it now

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter
dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar!"


As the song progresses, it gives me strength and encouragement.  Not only to fight the big "C" but to not let anyone put down my beliefs.  It should really be the cancer mantra.

I had a good time over the weekend at the LUNGevity Hope Summit.  It was so good to see so many familiar faces, but at the same time, it was sad.  Most of the people I hung out with last year weren't there.  One has passed, one can't travel, and one couldn't make it.  I bounced around from group to group but every night I had an overwhelming sadness for the ones we've lost.  I was so encouraged by the caregivers that came and stayed although they had lost a spouse.  They cheered me up I think.

So, I've decided to continue this blog of course, but as for advocacy, I need a break.  I feel like we are chasing our tails sometimes  I will always write here because I know what I needed when I first got sick.  But being a long term survivor is really taking its toll.  I'm losing friends, and right now, I would say that's the hardest part.   Some are stepping away from the advocacy for the same reasons.

Something else this song reminded me of was my faith and beliefs.  I had someone who is semi-famous refuse to retweet this blog because it had Christianity in it and not all of this persons fans were Not Christians.  Let me make a few things clear.

I write as an outlet.  It's not always about God, but to help others along with myself deal with this  beast of a disease.  Secondly, I don't care who you are, I will never give praise to anyone other than God for keeping me around this long.  He is the ultimate doctor, and if you don't like how I write about that, I'm sorry.  I'm not changing for anyone.  No amount of money or publicity could make me.  And it's usually always at the end, so if you don't like that part....skip it.  I'm not trying to shove religion down anyone's throat, I just want to give thanks and recognize who is making me that champion to live this long.  I will shout it to the world.

In the beginning I wasn't as devout.  Another reason I like this song.  I didn't want to make anyone mad.  I wanted to be politically correct.  But no.  He brought me to my knees, and has been with me every step of this journey.  So the beginning of the song was me, and then she had enough.  That is me as well.  If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything.  I will never apologize for believing in what I believe.  But I also will not engage in a religious argument.  I respect your beliefs, please respect mine.  I am glad we have celebrities such as Tim Tebow, who will not change his beliefs regardless.  It gives me hope.

When I got home, the comment about my blog being religious bothered me.  So, I was a little sad.  Then, as if it were from God himself, some wonderful woman decided to post in the LUNGevity area that we were missing God.  People were coming out of the woodworks agreeing.  I don't know where I would be without my faith.  And I praise God for all of the people that agreed that he is the ultimate doctor.

Thank you all for your continuous prayers, and believe me, if we don't have the same beliefs, I don't judge.  That's not my job. I love all of my cancer friends, new and old, as well as my friends and family. Love you all and God Bless.  All these pics are on my personal facebook page, so get ready for an overload.....

Unicorns, Tacos, and Love

It's been a while. so have some catching up to do.  I got so lucky and got a double eye infection.  I used to tell my mother, "if something is going around, I'll get it".  And I did.  I was a sickly child.  I had a good run in my teens and twenties.  Now I have the big "C" in case you've never read my blog.

Lately, I've been good.  I've been recovering so well from the embolisms.  All that remains is the fatigue.  I can out sleep anyone these days.  I wish I knew of a competition for that!

So, my scans were changed to May, the same week I'll be in Atlanta for the benefit.  I'll post more about that as time gets closer.  I'm also attending the LUNGevity summit in D.C. at the end of this month.  I'm looking forward to seeing some great friends, but it will be a bittersweet trip.  Many have gone on to a better place, and I miss them so much.

Having lung cancer is constantly adjusting to your circumstances.  You lose friends, you have complications, you start new meds and trials, but you do everything you can to pick yourself up and enjoy what time you do have.  Cancer patients, regardless of what kind, make me feel I have an instant bond with them.  Then, after some time, you realize that some are into advocacy for the wrong reasons.  Some are in it for attention, pity, etc.  I'm not into advocacy for those reasons.  I'm here to try and help people feel normal with this awful disease, and maybe bring a smile out.   We all want to be normal again, but we can't, and never will.  Support and comedy is what comes from me.  It may not be much, but it's what I have to offer.

So, we adjust to our new lives, full of complications and loss.  Hilary Stanton Zunin once said, "The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief - But the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love."  I couldn't agree more.  For all the loss I've seen in these 5 1/2 years, each of them has made me a better person.  Their spirit and love were not finished, they will live on forever in us.

So, when you see lung cancer patients doing well, know that they are not necessarily mentally well.  They have their own worries, but they also grieve for the ones going before them and the families, knowing very well it could be their own time at any time.  But shouldn't we all live like each day is our last?  Because it's not up to us.  Hold onto your loved ones and never miss that opportunity to express your love.  The last thing Nicole and I said to each other was that we loved each other.   The same with my friend Roy.  Because we may have lived, but we never knew when one of us may leave.

This applies to family and friends too.  Don't have regrets.  I know most of the time I don't take anything seriously, but this I do.  I love the people in my life, that have stayed through the good and the bad and those whom I've met along the way.

So, after this very serious blog, here are some fun things.  My daughter went full on brunette and ever since, we've been asked who the mom is.  It's flattering, but she's growing way to fast!  She had her hair colored at a salon for the first time ever.  Of course I had to take pictures.  It's what moms do!  Drove her nuts!

I also got to meet my niece, McKenzie, for the first time.  My sister and family stopped by to eat on their way from Orlando to Baltimore.  It was so good to see them.  Karley and Sarah Catherine instantly formed a bond.  Karley gave her some bracelets.  I miss them so much, I can't wait until they move back to North Carolina. 

Karley also got a second piercing in her ears.  I took that opportunity to be a unicorn.  Her face went 50 shades of red as her friend took the picture.  But Karley was getting her ears pierced and forced to watch her grown mother be a unicorn.  She is so funny.  She laughs but she's also mad.  She can never stay mad at me!

Finally, thank you all who have donated to the fundraiser so far.  With the bills coming in, it has helped more than you know.  I thank God for the people I have in my life every day.

As always, thank you for your continuous prayers for my family, friends, and myself.   And here's some pics!

And then there were 5 girls

So sweet, I miss this

Love this one, and she already loves Tacos!

They are so cute together

My lil sis

She's 13

Had to throw this in there.  So good Cheddar's!

I finally got to be a unicorn and Karley couldn't stop me