World Cancer Day - changes and losses

I felt compelled to write today because it is World Cancer Day.  I'm aware of the American Cancer Society and it's efforts to raise money through the "purple roads" campaign.  I have conflicting feelings towards the American Cancer Society.  If you don't have lung cancer, maybe they are good for you. The only event they do annually for lung cancer is the "Great American Smoke Out".  This just further stigmatizes lung cancer as purely a smokers disease.  Not true.  But if a smoker did get cancer, do they deserve it?  NO!  I think the American Cancer Society has the potential and ability to help change the face of lung cancer and help us rise above the incredibly low survival rate of 15%.  We just have to get them to do it.  Right now, they are hurting us more than helping us.  A picture is worth 1,000 words.

If you are a lung cancer advocate or would like to donate to a lung cancer cause, go to Free To Breathe (fka National Lung Cancer Partnership).   Also, if you're a facebook user, have lung cancer, and want a good site for encouragement and support, try Lung Cancer Survivors Foundation

That being said, please don't hate me or my opinions, but this is my blog, and I want everyone out there to know how I feel about this.  They do great things for other cancers, I'm not knocking that at all, I think that's terrific.  I just feel like all of us cancer warriors should be treated equally, and I encourage you to write to them to do more for lung cancer.  Thankfully we have the smaller organizations that are growing in an effort to bring awareness and fund research.  N\O ONE DESERVES CANCER.

I'm going to stop my rambling and write about two people who have touched my life significantly, and this day is the appropriate day for it.  I think cancer has touched everyone reading this blog right now in one way or another.  Otherwise, I doubt you would be reading it....  So, here we go...

Marjorie Polk lost her battle to kidney cancer on Monday January 27, 2014.  I first met Marjorie as we were both waiting for our MRIs.  We found out we had the same group of friends, but I had moved and wasn't around as much.  We also found out we had the same neurologist and oncologist, both the same age, and both mothers.  We often text messaged each other about our progress, but it seemed like my results were getting better and hers were getting worse.  When I first learned that she was too far gone, I cried a lot.  You get to know people when you have cancer, and by gaining these friends you know that you may lose them.  I also felt somewhat guilty when telling her my results after hearing hers each time.  She was always happy for me regardless, and always positive when she spoke with me.  She was a beautiful soul and is now celebrating, pain free, with our Lord.  She left behind a husband and two children.  If you are interested in donating to her children, you can through paypal at marjorie.davidson.polk@gmail.com  Just follow this link to get started https://www.paypal.com/us/webapps/mpp/send-money-online  Please pray for strength for her family during this difficult time. Rest In Peace Marjorie

Additionally, I would like to ask for prayers for my Uncle Jerry.  The same day Marjorie passed, he collapsed and was rushed to the ER.   It was determined he has liver cancer.  The doctors have only given him a few months.  He's my dad's baby brother and has a son in college, John Allen Mixon.  Please pray for him to go peacefully and pain free.  And pray for his family.  I hope he knows that I do love him, even if I'm so far away right now.  I plan on going to Atlanta soon to be with my dad during this difficult time.

The aforementioned stories are tragic. We are all going to leave this world one day, but it doesn't mean we have to die. I believe in God and when we pass on, we have the opportunity to go to a far better place than ever imagined.   Make the most of the present, we are not guaranteed a future.  In fact, I despise planning now.

Live for today, forgive others, be kind and love one another.  Such important things to remember, and hard to do in this crazy world today, but it's better than having regrets that you didn't do them.  Life is too short!  Hold on tight to the ones you love!

Thank you all  for your continued support and prayers for me and my family and friends.  Your prayers have done so much, the power of prayer is amazing!  Our God is amazing!

Ecclesiastes 11:5
"Just as you cannot understand the path of the wind or the mystery of a tiny baby growing in its mother's womb, so you cannot understand the activity of God, who does all things"

Plans

I've been pretty busy since my last update.  We had Karley's party this past weekend and today we took the toys to Wolfson Children's Hospital.  I'm so blessed to have such a great kid.

I remember being so down last year, thinking it would be the last time I would get to go to Karley's birthday party.  My goal was to make it to the next one.  I had so little faith back then.  I tried to pretend to be strong, but inside I was beyond scared.  Thanks to some great friends and the people at Ziggy's, she had an "EPIC" birthday.  She had so many friends come out and they danced their little hearts out.  It filled my heart with such joy to see her so happy.  Thank you to everyone who came out and brought your little ones.  It made her day so special.  Here are just a few pics...

Today we went to Nemour's to have her ear checked out again.  For those that are unaware, Karley has had issues with her ears since she was 1.  She's had two sets of tubes and a surgery a few years ago to patch a busted eardrum after losing her hearing in that ear.  The patch busted a few months post surgery and we were hoping it would repair itself.  We found out today that she now has hearing loss again and will need another surgery.  This one won't be as difficult to recover from luckily.

It's amazing how much closer I am to God now.  The old Samantha would be stressing like crazy over this, worried something would go wrong during surgery.  I now know I have no control over that.  Everything that happens in our lives is all part of His plan and worrying won't do anything to change the outcome. 

While we were at Nemours and Wolfsons today dropping of the gifts, we stopped by to visit a girl from our church battling leukemia.  Karley and I hadn't met her before, but Karley insisted we go.  Ansley Jones has such an amazing spirit and positive attitude.  She helped Karley make a paper mache candle holder and we talked for a bit.  Please pray for her, she's so young and such a sweet and graceful young lady.  It was such a blessing just to get to meet her.

As for my health, I finished my steroids and now am working on my weight.  My tarceva rash is back in full force, covering my arms and face.  It seems to come and go, as well as the GI issues and fatigue.  Fun Fun, I'm just grateful to be here!  Next scans are in March, so please pray they are clean!  Thank you all so much for your continuing support and prayers.  I'm breathing pretty good right now.

In bible study, we've been talking about how God will put us in circumstances where we have to depend on Him.  It really hit home for me because I know before I got sick, I took credit for everything I did.  But He put me in a situation that would be IMPOSSIBLE without Him.  That's how He works.  So, when things go wrong in your life, sometimes you have to step back and think about how He is working to make you dependent on Him, and how sometimes there is good that can come out of that bad situation.  It's all part of His plan.  A plan we won't fully understand until we're with Him in His kingdom.  Until then, we have to keep our faith.

Finally, please continue to pray for peace and strength for Marjorie Polk and her family.  They need so many prayers right now.  Pray for her to be free from pain.

Ecclesiastes 6:10
"Everything has already been decided.  It was known long ago what each person would be.  So there's no use arguing with God about your destiny."

More Roller Coasters

Quick update: I saw my pulmonary specialist Thursday and had a chest x-Ray. The fluid in my right lung is still clearing so steroids for 2 more weeks, because I haven't gained enough weigh yet!  LOL!  I unfortunately made the mistake of asking, "you didn't see the tumor did you?", referring to the primary tumor that was radiated in my lower right lobe.

He made a sympathetic face and said, "please take this with a grain of salt because X-rays are not meant to show detail, therefore I can't tell what it is, but there looks like a small mass in your upper right area. Could be a blood vessel. We will see at the next scan". And until the next scan, it will be a blood vessel.

Karley and I are both back home now, preparing for her birthday Wed.  I can't believe she is about to be 9!  Where does the time go?

Saturday night she wanted to sleep with me.  I've been trying to break her of this because it started after I got sick.  As we were lying in bed, she started crying a little.  I asked her what was wrong and she explained that she missed me when I was in Atlanta.  Then she went on to open up about her fears of losing me, especially the night they took me away in the ambulance in November 2012.  This was so traumatic for her.  I just held her and let her cry and explained that I was here now and that's all that matters.  She has had to grow up too quickly.  I know she worries a lot but she keeps her emotions inside.  I just have to reassure her that I'm here anytime she wants to talk about it.  I believe in being completely honest with her, always.  She knows the cancer can "wake up".  But, she also believes in God and I think her faith allows her to be the happy go-lucky girl she is every day.

So, this new normal can be sad, but at the same time I know not to waste time.  It's too important.  I love Karley more than life itself.  I never want to hurt her.  That's a hard thing to do when your trying to raise a responsible child.  I'm working on it.  I've had to lean a lot on John, her dad, to do so much of the disciplining, which I'm so thankful for.  He's the best dad to Karley, we are truly blessed to have him.  I'll get better at it, I promise!

Thank all of you for your continued support and prayers.  This battle isn't over and we need prayers that the March scans will be clean.  I'm so thankful for the time I have now.  I'm also so very grateful for all of the support I have, both in St. Simons and Atlanta.  I've got a great church here....so very blessed.

Even though my story seems rough, there are others out there that have situations in their lives that are much more difficult.  That's why you have to let go of the little things.  You never know what's going on behind the scenes in someones life.  

Finally, please pray for Marjorie Polk and her family.  She is in so much pain and she and her family need prayers.  Cancer is a terrible disease and it takes so many lives.  Just pray for their peace and strength through this difficult time.  We love you Marjorie!

We are all dying to live, not living to die.

John 11:25-26
Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life.  He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.  Do you believe this?"

It's a New Year!

Hope everyone is having a fantastic start to your new year!

Karley and I are still in Atlanta visiting family. We head back to St Simons Sunday and then I will be back in Atlanta Wed for my pulmonary appt. All of this traveling is exhausting!

We had the best Christmas ever and a wonderful New Year celebration with close family and friends. We have all been so thankful, and watching my little girl slowly growing into this caring, empathetic little lady has been amazing. Her best Christmas present she said, "they can't see mommy's cancer".

It makes me so happy to see relief through her eyes, but as my fellow lung cancer friends know, the battle is far from over. That's where God comes in. We just have to trust in His plan and not worry about what is next. He wants us to live in the present, not the future or the past.

That being said, I've sadly come to realize that I can't please everyone or make everyone happy. I feel like I've lost a few friends over this, but my true ones are still here. Some days I don't feel well, making it hard to plan. So instead of canceling, I don't like to make plans until the last minute. For instance today, not feeling so well. I've been up since 3 am so instead of taking the kids to visit with some friends next to my dad's house, I'm laying in the bed listening to them play mind craft. Crazy kids.

But, this is my life. Good or bad, I know that God is always with me. I guess you have to walk in another's shoes to truly understand the hardships they deal with. I know I'm blessed, but I'm also human and have my fears sometimes. I will live with these forever. My life is changed forever. It's just up to me as to what I do with it.

So, for 2014 and beyond, I am going to grow closer in my relationship with God, make more memories with my daughter, and advocate for lung cancer awareness. This battle is far from over.

Forgiveness, in our short time here on earth, is essential. Letting hate into our heart only hurts us.  It's not what God wants for us, He forgives us all of the time.  Plus, you never know what tomorrow holds so forgive while you can.  You don't want regrets haunting you...

Matthew 6:27
"Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?"

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Reason for the Season

We are so close to Christmas and I can't express my overwhelming sense of God's love and grace in words this year.  

A year ago, I was so down...doubting so much.  I don't doubt anymore.   God has a plan for all of us.  His plan was to not take me yet.  I promised Him I would praise Him and not take credit for where I am today.  And I'm not taking credit.  He has been my rock and has not forsaken me.   And I know, whatever the future holds, cancer or no cancer, He is with me.  

Many of you don't know, I may be in remission, but I still have the mutation.  It can reoccur if the cancer builds a resistance to Tarceva.  If that happens, we keep fighting.  We never know when our time will come.  Are you ready?

It may not be the cancer that takes me.  We don't know.  I do know that I'm thankful that I got cancer.  I know....CRAZY!   But, so much good has come out of something so bad.  

Karley found God and was baptized.  I've stopped working my life away and started working on my life.  I notice and appreciate every moment.  My relationship with God has gotten stronger and I am choosing the path I feel He wants me to take.  I've met some incredible people at church and am happy to call them my family.  My relationships with friends and family are also stronger.  

I've had the opportunity that few have.   The opportunity for a second chance to make my life right.  That is what I'm doing.  Living by faith, not by sight.  

That's all for now.  I just wanted to share my joy and remind you, we all have things to be thankful for.   Even if we don't have everything, we do have love.  And God's love is so powerful, please don't forget everything He has given us this Christmas.   It's not about Santa or material gifts.  It's about Him.  He gave His only son so that we may have eternal life.  That is the ultimate gift and sacrifice.  

Merry Christmas to all!  Be safe!

Matthew 19:26

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Post Results

So it's been over 24 hours since my good news and I wanted to update as promised.  

I have a lung infection and will be on steroids for 6 weeks with a follow up in January.  It's been a little painful and making me pretty sleepy.  But, we are working on that.

I know I'm not out of the woods.   I still have the EGFR mutation and always will.  Yet, His amazing grace has given me the best Christmas present I could ask for.   I now have more years.  More years to fight, to live, to watch Karley grow up, and to praise Him for the miracle of life He has given me.   It is truly a miracle.  Last year I was told I had 12-18 months to live.  This Christmas will be like any other, and I'm so thankful for this gift. 

Now, I have hope.  I have more hope than I've had my entire life, about anything.  It's amazing the way you look at things when you know you are living on time that you know has been given by the grace of God.   I'm not sure we are born knowing that.  Without cancer, I'm not sure I would have realized that.   

I'm not trying to shove religion down any person's throat by any means.  I just know that my God has given me a few more years to live and fight.  We are fighting for a Cure!

I can't describe how much love I've felt from everyone.  It's been incredible.  I hope that you know all of your words of encouragement and inspiration and prayers have kept me as positive as I am.  They've meant so much and I still need them.  We still need them.  So please, don't give up on us or stop praying for us.  It can come back, we will always need your prayers until we find a cure.

Until then, I will keep you all updated on our fight and my progress.  

I hope you all have a very blessed and Merry Christmas.  Make sure you tell your loved ones how much you care for and love them.  Every day is a blessing.  You never know when that can change.  

God bless and love you all!  Please keep your faith...  

Until my next blog, I leave you with a verse Mr. Jimmy Livingston reminded me of:

Matthew 15:28

Then Jesus answered, "Woman, you have great faith!  Your request is granted."  And her daughter was healed from that very hour.

Results

Today was the big day.  I wanted to wait and blog when I got home, but the anticipation of telling you all how miraculous God is just can't wait.  

First, I have a bunch of inflammation that is causing my pain symptoms.  I am at a pulmonary doctor to see if it's pneumonia or inflammation from radiation.  I'll update later.  

The good news - they are unable to see any active cancer on my petscan.  The main tumor is not visible anymore.  Of course we are not 100% sure because there can be small cancer cells unseen by the imaging, but my oncologist is ecstatic, as are we.  Is this remission?  We think so!

I will still continue tarceva forever and pray for a cure for the mutation.  This is by far the best Christmas present I could ever receive.  

We will follow up with another petscan in 3 months to make sure there is still no active cancer.  

God is truly amazing.  I know that it can return, and I will live with that forever.  But, I've learned to take nothing for granted!  I can't say how much your support and prayers have meant to me.  

I will blog more later.  I just couldn't contain this excitement. 

Matthew 19:26

Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible"

AMEN!

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