Hope

Well, I posted my most recent scan results on my facebook page but some of you may not be on that.  My scans were stable! I got a pretty funny text from my oncologist, screenshot below.  I know it's the work of God, not my own doing.  But it looks like I'll hit that 6 year mark in November....and still on Tarceva.

Also, my scans are now every 4.5 months again instead of every 3.  To still be on my first line treatment is amazing.  But, living with this can make you lonely.

As you all know, I've lost a lot of good friends over the years.  The latest was by far the hardest.  Every time I see a picture of a unicorn, rainbow, or play around with snapchat, I can feel Kelly near me.  She is always in my heart.  Not a day goes by I don't think of her, she was such a breath of fresh air and lit up a room wherever she went.  And she ALWAYS sought out the best in people.  I admire her so much for the way she lived.

I think one of the hardest things about being a long term survivor is losing people.  I want it to get it easier, and maybe it will knowing they aren't in pain anymore.  But survivor's guilt is awful.  I feel for the family and friends....the ones left behind.

I feel like my facebook page and blog are sometimes obituaries lately.  I need that to change, so I'm going to make it change.  I'm going to write more positively, but no worries, I'll still give you the raw blunt honesty I always have.

People say I'm strong.  I don't feel like that, I feel weak.  I do cry, for the friends of lost, their families, and for my own family.  Sometimes I feel guilty that this has to be their life too.

Ok.  So subject change.  My boyfriend Josh and I went out last night and I did a stellar job of embarrassing him by singing karaoke.  It's the place where we met.  I seriously sound like a dying cat.  Lucky for him, it was a group of us so you couldn't really tell who the dying cat was....

Karley is healing from her fractured pelvis and we are praying she will be able to play by the time of the first game.  Volleyball is that girl's life.  We have an appointment with the orthopedic the day before her first game.  Prayers appreciated!

Well, just wanted to give you all my scan results in case you didn't know and to let you all know I'm doing very well.  And I wanted to stress my utter hate for common core math.  I was always a math brainiac, but either they cut that part out with my brain tumor or it's just too confusing.  I was always the tutor, now I'm looking for a math tutor for my 8th grader.  Anyone in the St. Simons area, if you can do this, please contact me.  I already went to school.  I don't want to do it again!  My brain is done learning...like finished.  I don't want to learn anything else unless it's totally useless and amusing.

Well, that's all I've got for today folks.  Thank you all for your continuous prayers and don't forget to hug your loved ones.   You never know, things could change in an instant.  I could outlive everyone reading this!  Probably not....but miracles happen!

Please keep my cousin Sandy in your prayers.  She's undergoing a lot of testing right now and we are praying it's fixable.  Love you all and thanks for continuing to read.  I'll write a deeper post later...I stayed out a little late last night.  NAPTIME!

Oh yeah, I found some old pictures from when Karley was younger.  She was so cute.  Have to share!  This girl has my heart.  They grow up so fast.  She loves with all of her heart.  She gives me hope.  I'm so proud to be her mom.  So silly and happy...she's my inspiration.

I love my oncologist.  We are both so sarcastic.