In all reality, it feels like I've been frozen in time since 11/27/12. I see Karley growing up and everything going on around me, but I don't feel like I'm a part of it. I don't feel like I've aged, although I may look it! LOL. I feel stuck. Hard to explain. So, of course I'm always sensitive when I feel like I'm missing out on things.
And the grief...just when you think it's gone, it's back. It won't leave me alone! I'm going to see a specialist about this. I don't know whether it was the cancer bond Roy and I had or just Roy being Roy that I miss so terribly. Maybe both. It hurts so much. And just when I think I'm okay, something triggers it all over again and I relive that day in pieces. Some days I don't get out of bed and feel like I'm slowly falling apart.
I started a journal for more private things going on in my life. It's helped a lot. Such a release of emotions and something to leave for Karley, so she knows what was going on in my crazy head.
Please don't worry about me, I am fine, just a little broken.
Thank you all for your continuous prayers, I need them. Especially that first week in October. Don't take pity either. I've been living with this for 4 years almost. I think the longer we live with it, the harder it gets though. I think year two was my best.
Well, love you all and thanks for reading me whine once again. And please pray for a few of my other friends who I'm sure don't want their names mentioned, going through some life changing issues. Thank you.
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