I developed a terrible cough. My leg was hurting yesterday like it did before the clot but it went away and that was okay according to my onc. But I really feel the life being sucked out. I need help. I need help from my friends and family here. I don't have many, but people who know me know that I would give the shirt off of my own back to help someone. I need that in return now.
I know, I'm usually the inspiring one. But, this disease is so overwhelming it's hard to fight. I don't feel like talking about it, I just needed to vent and for you to know if I don't respond, it's because I'm either sleeping or mid breakdown. I called my mom for help when this happened. And for the first time since I've lived here, I've called someone to physically help me. I hate not being able to be independent. It's killing me too. But getting this all out is somehow making me feel a little better. I'm going to take a pain pill and some xanax and take a nap. I'm just so blessed to have the friends and family that I do.
As most of you know I filed Chapter 7 bankruptcy 12/29. I couldn't keep up anymore. My meeting of the creditors was scheduled for 1/29 but I had it continued because I was afraid they would admit me in the hospital in Atlanta. I have a neck CT scheduled for tomorrow because of pain but am still in Brunswick. They continued my case until 2/12 and if I have to continue it again I have to get an attorney which I can't afford. I'm doing this all my self so if any of you attorneys that practice down here can do a quick pro bono bankruptcy, I've pretty much done everything. It would just help with the stress. I can't afford an attorney, I'm not sure if courts get that you can't afford the fee and an attorney, that's why you file in the first place. I'm just praying I don't get hospitalized again before then.
Ok, I'm done with my rant. Pleas pray for all of my friends dealing with this. And believe me, there are a lot right now. It seems we are all going down hill together. I know the first thing I need to do is give it to God and stop the stress. So that is what I'm going to work on. And if anyone feels they can help in any way, please let me know. Because right not I can't even be a mother, I can barely take care of myself. I believe God will see me through this. I just have to be strong enough to give it to Him.
God bless you all and thank you for hearing me rant. Not always rainbows and sunshine. Sometimes it pours.