Hope

Hope

Monday, September 18, 2017

Scan Results and "What not to say to cancer patients 101"***UPDATED***

Well, other than my RBC count being a little high, my scans were stable this past Friday.  I got back to our poor island yesterday but am so happy to be home.  My next scans are in January.  I just feel so blessed that they keep turning out good.  I thank God for that.  But, I've written something similar to this before, and now I'm at my breaking point with it.   Remember, my blogs are not always rainbows and butterflies.

Those of you reading this that don't have cancer, I pray to God you never do.  I have an incurable disease that threatens to take my life daily.  Emotionally, that will take it's toll on you.  If you don't have cancer, please be respectful as you don't know what is going on in our lives.  We may not know what is going on in yours, but I do my best to be respectful.

I've had some things said that are sometimes meant well, but did make me want to punch the person in the throat.   Man I sound violent.   Well, here they are...just a few things you SHOULDN'T say to a cancer patient because we hear it all the time and a lot of them are BS.

1.  "You're going to be fine".....ummm, when did you become God?  Are you a psychic now?  This is not comforting.  This is aggravating.  

2.  "That's a good cancer to have"......ummmm, in what world do you live in that any cancer is good?   Mine is incurable.  I have not endured some of the treatments others have, but no cancer is good.

3.  "You're so brave"......no, I'm not brave.  You may mean well, but to me, bravery is when someone chooses to take on something scary.  I did not choose this.

4.  "Mind over Matter".....one of my biggest pet peeves.  I can't count on my hand the number of friends I've lost to cancer who had a much better outlook on it than me.   Yes, having a positive attitude helps, but it won't save you.  It's insulting to the family and friends of loved ones who were lost, like their loved one didn't fight hard enough.  

5.  "Have you tried....."......no.   I don't plan on it either.   I quit researching these long ago because it was a complete waste of time.  I'll go with the medical community, especially since I have Stage 4 Lung Cancer.

6.  "If anyone can beat this, you can"....really?  are we psychic again?  Telling me this makes me feel like a failure if it starts to spread.  Don't make me feel like a failure.

7.  "You brought this on yourself"....that one just gets a throat punch.

8.  "My grandma had your cancer.  She died"....ummmm ok.  Thanks

9.  "God doesn't give you more than you can handle"......where is that in the bible?  He wants you to lean on Him but you CAN get more than you can handle.  

Like I've said, I think most people mean well.  Most mean well.  Just wanted to emphasize that "most".  Some just think they know everything.  So, unless you have cancer, or another terminal disease, or are a caretaker, please refrain from the above.  You cannot relate.  Having cancer is a full time job.  It is physically and mentally exhausting.  You lose friends more than you can handle.   But I don't have to tell this to the people on this "Journey".  Which is another one that bothers me.  Journeys should be fun and full of travel.   Not sleeping the day away or getting overwhelmed with a few house hold chores.   

In the meantime, I'm going to keep my positive, but realistic attitude.  I feel that if you can't handle the nature of the situation, it's better if you move on, but don't insult me.

Thank you for your ongoing prayers and support.  I just know so many who are fighting for their lives and the last thing they need to hear are the above.  Emotionally, it takes it's toll, a toll that is so great, some days you can barely go on with it.

***UPDATE***

So, after receiving so many comments, here were a few that were requested.

10.  "God has a bigger plan"....ok.  Just because I believe this, doesn't mean you do.  This is where you don't want to shove religion down someone's throat.  Also, I don't want my daughter thinking it was God's plan to take me out.  I'm sure I'll learn everything on the other side, but saying this to people who are dying or just lost loved ones can have an adverse effect on their feelings towards God.  Because, what God would allow this to happen?  This takes a lot of time to get right in your head even if you are a religious person.  So, just consider who you're talking to when saying this.

11.  "You look great or You don't even look sick"....I don't mind this so much either because I'm a weirdo that loves the shock value.  I mean, a bit morbid, but I have to have a little fun in my head.  However, some people get offended by this.  Also, just because we don't look sick doesn't mean we aren't desperately fighting for our lives.  It's almost like they're saying "you must be doing well because you look so good".  Not always true.  Some days I can't even get out of bed, but when I do, I go around shocking people.

12.  "Never Ever Give Up"....ok.  Jimmy V's speech was one of the most inspirational speeches I have ever heard and makes me cry every time.   But, I think people take it the wrong way.  Some come away with it implying that if you stop the torture of treatment you are giving up.  One must consider quality of life over quantity of life.  This probably gets to the more religious of us, because we know, as Joan Fong said, "see you on the other side" is better than the torment we go through.  I think he meant it in a more mental sense.  Because sometimes, there are no more options for treatment or you want to LIVE the rest of your life.  That is what I took from his speech.  So, just consider who you're talking too when saying this.

All this being said, I'm sure you're like, "Well, what the hell do I say?"  I've linked a website to a designer of cards for cancer patients.   Stuff similar to this is good.    "I'm sorry, that really sucks" is good.  So here is a link to some cards....and I think most of them are spot on, and they are kinda funny.  Google is also a good place to look. Here is that link:  What we want to hear  Peace!






                                Just a few examples of when "Mind over Matter" didn't work.


















18 comments:

  1. So love your down to earth and real self. Sometines I think we can all write a book on the worst things that have been said to you. For example I had a nurse say stage IV how does it feel, knowing when your going to die!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AFFORDABLE LOAN TODAY?

      APPLY FOR ALL KINDS OF XMAS LOAN WITH US TODAY! XMAS FREE GIFTS PACKAGE FOR CLIENTS INTERESTED

      We have provided over $500 Million in business loans to over 2,000 business owners just like you. We use our own designated risk technology to provide you with the right business loan so you can grow your business. Our services are fast and reliable, loans are approved within 24 hours of successful application. We offer loans from a minimum range of $5,000 to a maximum of $100 million.

      Do you find yourself in a bit of trouble with unpaid bills and dont know which way to go or where to turn? What about finding a reputable Debt Consolidation firm that can assist you in reducing monthly installment so that you will have affordable repayment options as well as room to breathe when it comes to the end of the month and bills need to get paid? UPGRADE LOANS is the answer. Reduce your payments to ease the strain on your monthly expenses. Email (upgradeloans@hotmail.com)DO YOU NEED 100% FINANCE? we give out loans with an affordable interest rate of 2% .UPGRADE LOANS, (upgradeloans@hotmail.com) aims is to provide Excellent Professional Financial Services.

      Delete
    2. Hello everyone i Am williams pater and i am from USA i am here to give my testimony about an herbal doctor called Dr,olu I was heartbroken because i had very small penis,not nice to satisfy a woman, i have been in so many relationship, but cut off because of my situation, i have used so many product which doctors prescribe for me, but could not offer me the help i searched for. i saw some few comments on the internet about this specialist called Dr,OLU and decided to email him on his email i saw on the internet,(drolusolutionhome@gmail.com ) so I decided to give his herbal product a try. i emailed him and he got back to me, he gave me some comforting words with his herbal product for Penis Enlargement, Within three weeks of me use it, i began to feel the enlargement, " and now it just 4 weeks of using his products my penis is about 8 inches longer, and i had to settle thing out with my ex girlfriend , i was surprised when she said that she is satisfied with my performance in bed and i now have a large penis.thanks to DR OLU for is herbal product. you can also reach him with emsil drolusolutionhome@gmail.com though is..number WHATASPP him today on this number [ +2348140654426 ]

      Delete
  2. Omg Dena! I would have definitely punched her. Who asks that?! I'm sorry girl.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi I'm Anne. Stage IV NSCLC May 2015, here. You've heard all these directly? I'm not shocked... except for #7, that one is unbelievable. #8 happened to me from a neighbor, in front of my small kids. #9 happens sometimes, "Your God is not my God." Because, seriously.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Someone said that in front of your children? That's awful. And in some shape, form, or fashion I have heard these. I was diagnosed in 2012 so I've had some crap thrown my way. But, I just keep on keeping on!

      Delete
  4. I said it! Loud and clear! Thank you for uour wisdom and support i love u ;)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi Great article.“With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Amen!. Yesterday I've read an article about stomach cancer.
    https://www.cancertreatment.education/causes-risk-factors-stomach-cancer/
    According to the article stomach cancer is more in men than in women. Do you agree with that?

    ReplyDelete
  6. As a sign of gratitude for how my wife was saved from CANCER, i decided to reach out to those still suffering from this.
    My wife suffered cancer in the year 2013 and it was really tough and heartbreaking for me because she was my all and the symptoms were terrible, she always complain of abnormal vaginal bleeding, and she always have pain during sexual intercourse. . we tried various therapies prescribed by our neurologist but none could cure her. I searched for a cure and i saw a testimony by someone who was cured and so many other with similar body problem, and he left the contact of the doctor who had the cure to cancer . I never imagined cancer. has a natural cure not until i contacted him and he assured me my wife will be fine. I got the herbal medication he recommended and my wife used it and in one months time she was fully okay even up till this moment she is so full of life. cancer. has a cure and it is a herbal cure contact the doctor for more info on drwilliams098675@gmail.com on how to get the medication. Thanks for reading my testimony.

    ReplyDelete
  7. ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS WITH HIS HERBAL PORTION I WAS COMPLETELY CURED FROM BREAST CANCER.
    I'm here again to appreciate. DR WILLIAMS God will always continue to bless you more abundantly, for the good works you done in my life, I will always keep on writing good and posting my testimonies about you on the Internet, I’m Jessica from Orlando, Florida. I was tested breast cancer positive, I saw a blog on how DR WILLIAMS cured people with his herbal portion, i did not believe in natural medicine but i just decided to give him a try, I contacted him,and explain my situation to him,few day later he sent me the herb, after taking doc Williams herbal medicine for few week i also got my healing with his herbal portion, i am so happy. If you have any type of cancer problem ,you can contact him on Drwilliams098675@gmail.com for advice and for his product,i hope this testimony also help some one out there .

    ReplyDelete
  8. My purpose out here today is to share this article to the world about how Doctor Agumagu helped me in getting back my EX-girlfriend that broke up with me 4 months ago. I tried all i can to make her see reasons with me so that we can continue our relationship but she denied me. Thank God for giving me the thought of going into the internet for help, i searched properly and i saw different reviews of Doctor Agumagu and i insisted in giving it a try by contacting him via what's app on +2348158847627. He gave me reason to live again and he prepared a spell and told me that my Ex-girlfriend will come back to me within 24 hours. Can you believe it, my EX-girlfriend came back to me and our wedding will hold Soon. Contact him now!!! if you need any help. Email: agumaguspelltemple@outlook.com or agumaguspelltemple@gmail.com and he does a lot of spells such as
    Herpes Cure
    ALS Cure
    Hiv Cure
    Love Spell
    Death Spell
    Money Spell
    Power Spell
    Success Spell
    Sickness Spell
    Pregnancy Spell
    Marriage Spell
    Job Spell
    Protection Spell
    Court Case Spell
    Luck Spell etc

    If you wish to contact me personally here is my email thibautlouis11@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  9. My heart goes to all those suffering with Chronic Health Conditions. You can only take intense pain for so long before you'll do anything to escape it. You suffering from "Cancer, chronic pain,Leukemia, Insomnia, arthritis, appetite, sleeping, stress, and other related infections, you can find HELP and MEDS.
    *Text; (313) 923-7690 or email: DrMcDonald@protonmail.com
    We are available to assist with all of your Medical Cannabis and alternative healing needs.Feel free to drop us an email whenever you have a special request for a Medical Cannabis product or service,we'll do our best to help.
    *Products; Medical Marijuana Strains, Cannabis Oils, Cannabis Capsules, Concentrates, etc
    Contacts : Text/Call : (313) 923-7690
    Email address : DrMcDonald@protonmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  10. AFFORDABLE LOAN TODAY?

    APPLY FOR ALL KINDS OF XMAS LOAN WITH US TODAY! XMAS FREE GIFTS PACKAGE FOR CLIENTS INTERESTED

    We have provided over $500 Million in business loans to over 2,000 business owners just like you. We use our own designated risk technology to provide you with the right business loan so you can grow your business. Our services are fast and reliable, loans are approved within 24 hours of successful application. We offer loans from a minimum range of $5,000 to a maximum of $100 million.

    Do you find yourself in a bit of trouble with unpaid bills and dont know which way to go or where to turn? What about finding a reputable Debt Consolidation firm that can assist you in reducing monthly installment so that you will have affordable repayment options as well as room to breathe when it comes to the end of the month and bills need to get paid? UPGRADE LOANS is the answer. Reduce your payments to ease the strain on your monthly expenses. Email (upgradeloans@hotmail.com)DO YOU NEED 100% FINANCE? we give out loans with an affordable interest rate of 2% .UPGRADE LOANS, (upgradeloans@hotmail.com) aims is to provide Excellent Professional Financial Services.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I recently have some difficult conversations and I did what a lot of people do when they want to know how to do something. I googled it. I came across Dr Williams herbal medicine on YouTube so many people thanking him about his good work. I also have lungs cancer. I wasn’t running all over God’s creation with every man I could find but here I am. I have felt bad about myself for so many years now because of my cancer status. I obviously still have some self-accepting to do but I want to thank Dr Williams for everything he have done for my family ,after taking Dr Williams medicine i was completely free from lungs cancer within one month of usage, I think what you are doing is so admirable. you have helped me a lot! I want to definitely reach out to you and thank you for your amazing work. You are a good person, and an extremely talented man. You have helped millions with your herbs, and have really inspired me,and i pray you still continue doing the good work.you can also email him on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for help

    ReplyDelete
  12. I was diagnosed of HEPATITIS B in 2015 and I have tried all possible means to get cure but all to no avail, so luckily one day as i was browsing through the Internet searching for remedy on HEPATITIS B, CURE and i saw comment of people talking about Doctor AZIBA who cured them from HEPATITIS B ,so I contacted him base on the testimonies I read about him on the Internet from different people so he told me some certain things which i can easily do and which i did and he assured me that he will send the medicine to me which he actually did. He sent me the medicine which is made of vegetable herbal remedies, to GOD be the glory i was cured by him even before i finished the medicine and the time he gave,This is greatness!!! kindly contact him Via Email:[ PRIESTAZIBASOLUTIONCENTER@GMAIL.COM ] call number or WhatsApp him direct through his cell phone: WhatsApp +2348100368288 And he can also cure you also because he made it clear to me that he do not treat but he cured permanently and so he can cure some type of diseases like,ALS,DIABETICS,cancer,HERPES,fibroid, HIV AIDS. WART. etc.. all thank to you Dr AZIBA for your kindly help in my life. WhatsApp DR.[ +2348100368288 ] DR Email: [ priestazibasolutioncenter@gmail.com ]

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hello everyone i Am williams pater and i am from USA i am here to give my testimony about an herbal doctor called Dr,olu I was heartbroken because i had very small penis,not nice to satisfy a woman, i have been in so many relationship, but cut off because of my situation, i have used so many product which doctors prescribe for me, but could not offer me the help i searched for. i saw some few comments on the internet about this specialist called Dr,OLU and decided to email him on his email i saw on the internet,(drolusolutionhome@gmail.com ) so I decided to give his herbal product a try. i emailed him and he got back to me, he gave me some comforting words with his herbal product for Penis Enlargement, Within three weeks of me use it, i began to feel the enlargement, " and now it just 4 weeks of using his products my penis is about 8 inches longer, and i had to settle thing out with my ex girlfriend , i was surprised when she said that she is satisfied with my performance in bed and i now have a large penis.thanks to DR OLU for is herbal product. you can also reach him with emsil drolusolutionhome@gmail.com though is..number WHATASPP him today on this number [ +2348140654426 ]



    Hello everyone i Am williams pater and i am from USA i am here to give my testimony about an herbal doctor called Dr,olu I was heartbroken because i had very small penis,not nice to satisfy a woman, i have been in so many relationship, but cut off because of my situation, i have used so many product which doctors prescribe for me, but could not offer me the help i searched for. i saw some few comments on the internet about this specialist called Dr,OLU and decided to email him on his email i saw on the internet,(drolusolutionhome@gmail.com ) so I decided to give his herbal product a try. i emailed him and he got back to me, he gave me some comforting words with his herbal product for Penis Enlargement, Within three weeks of me use it, i began to feel the enlargement, " and now it just 4 weeks of using his products my penis is about 8 inches longer, and i had to settle thing out with my ex girlfriend , i was surprised when she said that she is satisfied with my performance in bed and i now have a large penis.thanks to DR OLU for is herbal product. you can also reach him with emsil drolusolutionhome@gmail.com though is..number WHATASPP him today on this number [ +2348140654426 ]

    ReplyDelete
  14. My problem with herpes has caused me many traumas, especially in my sex life. I was so afraid of infecting my Boyfriend, suffered the embarrassment of visiting dermatologists queries hundreds of times. Unfortunately, they did not find a definitive solution to my problem.The solution came from the least expected place By reading in a specialized forum on the subject, mentioned a method for eliminating herpes. Many people had tried, with excellent and quick results.I had nothing to lose so I decided to use this method to eliminate my herpes. spent Two weeks using
    this method and my herpes completely disappeared. I recommend this method to all people who want to eliminate the herpes from your body forever, contact.
    PRIESTAZIBASOLUTIONCENTER@GMAIL.COM or WhatsApp
    +2348100368288




    My problem with herpes has caused me many traumas, especially in my sex life. I was so afraid of infecting my Boyfriend, suffered the embarrassment of visiting dermatologists queries hundreds of times. Unfortunately, they did not find a definitive solution to my problem.The solution came from the least expected place By reading in a specialized forum on the subject, mentioned a method for eliminating herpes. Many people had tried, with excellent and quick results.I had nothing to lose so I decided to use this method to eliminate my herpes. spent Two weeks using
    this method and my herpes completely disappeared. I recommend this method to all people who want to eliminate the herpes from your body forever, contact.
    PRIESTAZIBASOLUTIONCENTER@GMAIL.COM or WhatsApp
    +2348100368288

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hello viewers around the Globe, I was despondent because i had a very small penis, about 2.5 inches soft and 4 inches hard not nice enough to satisfy a woman, i have been in so many relationship, but cut off because of my situation, i have used so many product which doctors prescribe for me, but none could offer me the help i searched for. i saw some few comments on the internet about this specialist called Dr, OLHIA and i decided to contact him on his {oliha.miraclemedicine@gmail.com} so I decided to give his herbal product a try. i emailed him and he got back to me, he gave me some comforting words with his herbal pills for Penis Enlargement, Within 3 week of it, i began to feel the enlargement of my penis, " and now it just 4 weeks of using his products my penis is about 9 inches longer, and i had to settle out with my Ex girlfriend Ella, i was surprised when she said that she is satisfied with my sex and i have got a large penis. Am so happy, thanks to Dr OLIHA I also learn that Dr OLIHA also help with Breast Enlargement Hips and Bums Enlargement etc.. If you are in any situation with a little Penis, weak ejaculation, small breast_hips_bums do get to Dr OLIHA now for help on his email {oliha.miraclemedicine@gmail.com} or whats app him number: +2349038382931

    ReplyDelete