Hope

Hope

Monday, September 18, 2017

Scan Results and "What not to say to cancer patients 101"***UPDATED***

Well, other than my RBC count being a little high, my scans were stable this past Friday.  I got back to our poor island yesterday but am so happy to be home.  My next scans are in January.  I just feel so blessed that they keep turning out good.  I thank God for that.  But, I've written something similar to this before, and now I'm at my breaking point with it.   Remember, my blogs are not always rainbows and butterflies.

Those of you reading this that don't have cancer, I pray to God you never do.  I have an incurable disease that threatens to take my life daily.  Emotionally, that will take it's toll on you.  If you don't have cancer, please be respectful as you don't know what is going on in our lives.  We may not know what is going on in yours, but I do my best to be respectful.

I've had some things said that are sometimes meant well, but did make me want to punch the person in the throat.   Man I sound violent.   Well, here they are...just a few things you SHOULDN'T say to a cancer patient because we hear it all the time and a lot of them are BS.

1.  "You're going to be fine".....ummm, when did you become God?  Are you a psychic now?  This is not comforting.  This is aggravating.  

2.  "That's a good cancer to have"......ummmm, in what world do you live in that any cancer is good?   Mine is incurable.  I have not endured some of the treatments others have, but no cancer is good.

3.  "You're so brave"......no, I'm not brave.  You may mean well, but to me, bravery is when someone chooses to take on something scary.  I did not choose this.

4.  "Mind over Matter".....one of my biggest pet peeves.  I can't count on my hand the number of friends I've lost to cancer who had a much better outlook on it than me.   Yes, having a positive attitude helps, but it won't save you.  It's insulting to the family and friends of loved ones who were lost, like their loved one didn't fight hard enough.  

5.  "Have you tried....."......no.   I don't plan on it either.   I quit researching these long ago because it was a complete waste of time.  I'll go with the medical community, especially since I have Stage 4 Lung Cancer.

6.  "If anyone can beat this, you can"....really?  are we psychic again?  Telling me this makes me feel like a failure if it starts to spread.  Don't make me feel like a failure.

7.  "You brought this on yourself"....that one just gets a throat punch.

8.  "My grandma had your cancer.  She died"....ummmm ok.  Thanks

9.  "God doesn't give you more than you can handle"......where is that in the bible?  He wants you to lean on Him but you CAN get more than you can handle.  

Like I've said, I think most people mean well.  Most mean well.  Just wanted to emphasize that "most".  Some just think they know everything.  So, unless you have cancer, or another terminal disease, or are a caretaker, please refrain from the above.  You cannot relate.  Having cancer is a full time job.  It is physically and mentally exhausting.  You lose friends more than you can handle.   But I don't have to tell this to the people on this "Journey".  Which is another one that bothers me.  Journeys should be fun and full of travel.   Not sleeping the day away or getting overwhelmed with a few house hold chores.   

In the meantime, I'm going to keep my positive, but realistic attitude.  I feel that if you can't handle the nature of the situation, it's better if you move on, but don't insult me.

Thank you for your ongoing prayers and support.  I just know so many who are fighting for their lives and the last thing they need to hear are the above.  Emotionally, it takes it's toll, a toll that is so great, some days you can barely go on with it.

***UPDATE***

So, after receiving so many comments, here were a few that were requested.

10.  "God has a bigger plan"....ok.  Just because I believe this, doesn't mean you do.  This is where you don't want to shove religion down someone's throat.  Also, I don't want my daughter thinking it was God's plan to take me out.  I'm sure I'll learn everything on the other side, but saying this to people who are dying or just lost loved ones can have an adverse effect on their feelings towards God.  Because, what God would allow this to happen?  This takes a lot of time to get right in your head even if you are a religious person.  So, just consider who you're talking to when saying this.

11.  "You look great or You don't even look sick"....I don't mind this so much either because I'm a weirdo that loves the shock value.  I mean, a bit morbid, but I have to have a little fun in my head.  However, some people get offended by this.  Also, just because we don't look sick doesn't mean we aren't desperately fighting for our lives.  It's almost like they're saying "you must be doing well because you look so good".  Not always true.  Some days I can't even get out of bed, but when I do, I go around shocking people.

12.  "Never Ever Give Up"....ok.  Jimmy V's speech was one of the most inspirational speeches I have ever heard and makes me cry every time.   But, I think people take it the wrong way.  Some come away with it implying that if you stop the torture of treatment you are giving up.  One must consider quality of life over quantity of life.  This probably gets to the more religious of us, because we know, as Joan Fong said, "see you on the other side" is better than the torment we go through.  I think he meant it in a more mental sense.  Because sometimes, there are no more options for treatment or you want to LIVE the rest of your life.  That is what I took from his speech.  So, just consider who you're talking too when saying this.

All this being said, I'm sure you're like, "Well, what the hell do I say?"  I've linked a website to a designer of cards for cancer patients.   Stuff similar to this is good.    "I'm sorry, that really sucks" is good.  So here is a link to some cards....and I think most of them are spot on, and they are kinda funny.  Google is also a good place to look. Here is that link:  What we want to hear  Peace!






                                Just a few examples of when "Mind over Matter" didn't work.


















15 comments:

  1. So love your down to earth and real self. Sometines I think we can all write a book on the worst things that have been said to you. For example I had a nurse say stage IV how does it feel, knowing when your going to die!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BREAKUP REHAB ( AWESOME TRUE STORY )

      I am Brian Donald and this is my testimony. In September 18th 2017, my girlfriend Maggie called it a quit to our 6 years relationship. it was pathetic, i tried to calm her down but she insisted on breakup because she has met another nice guy in Sydney. the pain was too-much for me to bear, so i went online to look for help then i saw a blog about this powerful spell caster from USA called Dr. Ugo Wonders. i read alot of testimonies about him but i was not too sure if he could help me because i was living in Australia but i decided to give him a try. i emailed him all about my relationship problem and my fear for distance, he assured me not to worry that distance is not a barrier and that the wind blows, so shall my help locate me in 24 hours.i trusted him by his words at once and followed his instructions. Immediately after 24 hours of casting the spell as he instructed me, my girlfriend who left me to be with another man came back home to me and started begging me forgiveness. i was shocked, surprised and amazed and i was like "wow" it worked like a magic. this is the reason i decided to share this my wonderful testimony with the whole world to contact this world classified spell caster called Dr. Ugo for any relationship or breakup issues via his email generalspelltemple@gmail.com or call his mobile number +13863369876 website: http://generalspelltempleblog.wordpress.com


      BREAKUP REHAB ( AWESOME TRUE STORY )

      I am Brian Donald and this is my testimony. In September 18th 2017, my girlfriend Maggie called it a quit to our 6 years relationship. it was pathetic, i tried to calm her down but she insisted on breakup because she has met another nice guy in Sydney. the pain was too-much for me to bear, so i went online to look for help then i saw a blog about this powerful spell caster from USA called Dr. Ugo Wonders. i read alot of testimonies about him but i was not too sure if he could help me because i was living in Australia but i decided to give him a try. i emailed him all about my relationship problem and my fear for distance, he assured me not to worry that distance is not a barrier and that the wind blows, so shall my help locate me in 24 hours.i trusted him by his words at once and followed his instructions. Immediately after 24 hours of casting the spell as he instructed me, my girlfriend who left me to be with another man came back home to me and started begging me forgiveness. i was shocked, surprised and amazed and i was like "wow" it worked like a magic. this is the reason i decided to share this my wonderful testimony with the whole world to contact this world classified spell caster called Dr. Ugo for any relationship or breakup issues via his email generalspelltemple@gmail.com or call his mobile number +13863369876 website: http://generalspelltempleblog.wordpress.com

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  2. Omg Dena! I would have definitely punched her. Who asks that?! I'm sorry girl.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi I'm Anne. Stage IV NSCLC May 2015, here. You've heard all these directly? I'm not shocked... except for #7, that one is unbelievable. #8 happened to me from a neighbor, in front of my small kids. #9 happens sometimes, "Your God is not my God." Because, seriously.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Someone said that in front of your children? That's awful. And in some shape, form, or fashion I have heard these. I was diagnosed in 2012 so I've had some crap thrown my way. But, I just keep on keeping on!

      Delete
  4. I said it! Loud and clear! Thank you for uour wisdom and support i love u ;)

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    It all started last year May when my husband visited Switzerland for a Programmed which lasted for two months, When my husband returned home i noticed some changes in hist character towards me and the kids, Everything i do to make him happy he gets irritated and nags at random, leaves home and comes back late, Sooner he seek for a vocation alone to Switzerland again which i granted thinking that will make him happy but to my greatest surprise i never knew that was the end of our marriage if not for Dr Ogudu the marriage savior, Sincerely i was so crushed when my Husband of 6 years left me and moved to Switzerland to be with another woman.The pains was just too much for me to bear that I couldn't just bear it anymore. So i had to reached out to the Internet for help until i found out that Dr. Ogudu was the real deal.. I had tried the whole lot I knew, and with your spells, blessings and extraordinary magical powers, you did all the work for me, which you have guaranteed me positive result in 48 hours, my Ex Husband came back to me and he was remorseful for the whole lot he has done And now my life is balanced and i am happy again. All thank to you sir you contact him via email and website now

    [OGUDUSPELLTEMPLE@YAHOO.COM]
    whatsapp number +2348106058254
    BLOGGER PAGE........https://oguduspellcentre.blogspot.com



    ReplyDelete
  10. Dr Ben herbal medication that cure Herpes and HPV For any help whatsApp him on +2347064294395

    its a pleure for me to write this testimony about this wonderful thing that happened to me last month on how i got cured from Herpes i have been reading so-many post of some people who were cured of Herpes, but i never believed them, I was hurt and depressed so I was too curious and wanted to try Dr Ben then i contacted him on his email when i contact him, i never thought possible that Dr Ben can Really cure herpes i never really believed in Herbal medication but I played along with a little hope and faith and after everything but Dr Ben changed my life and made me a true believer and today i am living haply with my wife and kid you can contact him to get your herpes medication and live healthy again on

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