Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Crazy Frozen

Ok, well I really tried to pull myself out of this funk but it may take more than just me.   At least I got out and now have a regular Thursday lunch date.  Thanks Brandy!

In all reality, it feels like I've been frozen in time since 11/27/12.  I see Karley growing up and everything going on around me, but I don't feel like I'm a part of it.  I don't feel like I've aged, although I may look it!  LOL.  I feel stuck.  Hard to explain.  So, of course I'm always sensitive when I feel like I'm missing out on things.

And the grief...just when you think it's gone, it's back.  It won't leave me alone!  I'm going to see a specialist about this.  I don't know whether it was the cancer bond Roy and I had or just Roy being Roy that I miss so terribly.  Maybe both.  It hurts so much.  And just when I think I'm okay, something triggers it all over again and I relive that day in pieces.  Some days I don't get out of bed and feel like I'm slowly falling apart.

I started a journal for more private things going on in my life.  It's helped a lot.  Such a release of emotions and something to leave for Karley, so she knows what was going on in my crazy head.

Please don't worry about me, I am fine, just a little broken.

Thank you all for your continuous prayers, I need them.  Especially that first week in October.  Don't take pity either.  I've been living with this for 4 years almost.  I think the longer we live with it, the harder it gets though.  I think year two was my best.

Well, love you all and thanks for reading me whine once again.  And please pray for a few of my other friends who I'm sure don't want their names mentioned, going through some life changing issues.  Thank you.

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