Monday, January 13, 2014

More Roller Coasters

Quick update: I saw my pulmonary specialist Thursday and had a chest x-Ray. The fluid in my right lung is still clearing so steroids for 2 more weeks, because I haven't gained enough weigh yet!  LOL!  I unfortunately made the mistake of asking, "you didn't see the tumor did you?", referring to the primary tumor that was radiated in my lower right lobe.

He made a sympathetic face and said, "please take this with a grain of salt because X-rays are not meant to show detail, therefore I can't tell what it is, but there looks like a small mass in your upper right area. Could be a blood vessel. We will see at the next scan". And until the next scan, it will be a blood vessel.

Karley and I are both back home now, preparing for her birthday Wed.  I can't believe she is about to be 9!  Where does the time go?

Saturday night she wanted to sleep with me.  I've been trying to break her of this because it started after I got sick.  As we were lying in bed, she started crying a little.  I asked her what was wrong and she explained that she missed me when I was in Atlanta.  Then she went on to open up about her fears of losing me, especially the night they took me away in the ambulance in November 2012.  This was so traumatic for her.  I just held her and let her cry and explained that I was here now and that's all that matters.  She has had to grow up too quickly.  I know she worries a lot but she keeps her emotions inside.  I just have to reassure her that I'm here anytime she wants to talk about it.  I believe in being completely honest with her, always.  She knows the cancer can "wake up".  But, she also believes in God and I think her faith allows her to be the happy go-lucky girl she is every day.

So, this new normal can be sad, but at the same time I know not to waste time.  It's too important.  I love Karley more than life itself.  I never want to hurt her.  That's a hard thing to do when your trying to raise a responsible child.  I'm working on it.  I've had to lean a lot on John, her dad, to do so much of the disciplining, which I'm so thankful for.  He's the best dad to Karley, we are truly blessed to have him.  I'll get better at it, I promise!

Thank all of you for your continued support and prayers.  This battle isn't over and we need prayers that the March scans will be clean.  I'm so thankful for the time I have now.  I'm also so very grateful for all of the support I have, both in St. Simons and Atlanta.  I've got a great church here....so very blessed.

Even though my story seems rough, there are others out there that have situations in their lives that are much more difficult.  That's why you have to let go of the little things.  You never know what's going on behind the scenes in someones life.  

Finally, please pray for Marjorie Polk and her family.  She is in so much pain and she and her family need prayers.  Cancer is a terrible disease and it takes so many lives.  Just pray for their peace and strength through this difficult time.  We love you Marjorie!

We are all dying to live, not living to die.

John 11:25-26
Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life.  He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.  Do you believe this?"

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