My sweet angel

My sweet angel

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Back in Atlanta

So, I know it's early and I'll probably go back to sleep soon, but felt like blogging.  Yesterday was one of the hardest days thus far.   It's like they said, "Pack your bags, there's nothing we can do".

But, that's not it.  I understand that the cancer spread and is inoperable now, but after researching the medication I was put on (also advised by Mayo and approved by Piedmont) I am very comfortable with this outcome.

If I would have stayed, they were soon planning to remove the tumor in the right lung, I'm assuming, with all of the tests I was going through and had scheduled (but then cancelled after after the CT Scan results).  Quite frankly, my body is kind of tired of tests and surgeries so being given a pill that has a 70% chance of being effective at stopping the growth and possibly even regressing the cancer for a while, then I'm good with it.   The doctors explained it will one day become ineffective because my body will build up a tolerance, but by then, I can only pray that there will be another drug to try.

Who knows?  Maybe before I begin resisting it, it could regress the cancer so much, that maybe it won't be, "surgery isn't an option" but will be "there isn't anything to remove".   After all, the doctors words are not final, only God's word is final.  And, while waiting for the flight at the Houston Airport last night, I felt kinda good.  This pill is going to allow me to go home and work and live normally for a few weeks at a time (I will have follow ups every few weeks).

Right now I'm trying to decide between Piedmont, Mayo, and MD Anderson as my primary caretaker.  Mayo-close to SSI, Piedmont - saved my life originally and great docs/equipment, MD Anderson - Best in the country, but so far away from home (which made me really depressed) and put me on Tarceva (same as Mayo and Piedmont were going to do).  It's a tough decision, but I'm hoping the Lord will lead me to the right place.

Today is going to be a good day.  I'm almost home with Karley (will be by Friday or Saturday) but at least home in Atlanta.  I'm staying a few days in case I have a reaction to the new meds, Piedmont is very close.

I feel better today...I don't have control over this cancer.   It's not God's fault, it's Satan's way of making me doubt my faith.  There are some days that are hard, and I may come close, but I am not going to lose faith or hope.  I believe He is in control.  As hard as it is for me, and totally not in my nature, I need to just let go and let Him take care of things.  That is what faith is really all about anyways, right?

Matthew 19:26

In faith,

Sam


4 comments:

  1. I struggle with letting go too. It's tough. He wouldn't bring us to it, if he wasn't going to bring us through it. Love you girl. If you choose Houston, you can see my ugly face once a month. ;-)

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  2. My dear Samantha...I pray for you every day...hold onto your faith...Besides Jesus(and God) my favorite Bible character is "a man after God's own heart", David. He was always tested and certainly had some "issues" and sometimes his faith faltered yet he was steadfast in his faith...Psalms 62: 1-2 "My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken." None of us know the future or God's plans for us...but we are to be witnesses to His love, His goodness and His righteousness. Amazingly, He even loves us, His children, more than we love our children. So take it a day at a time and hold onto your faith!!

    Much love...Suzanne (spelled the right way!!)

    Hugs and kisses to you and Karley

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    1. Suzanne,

      Thank you so much for the prayers and support. You are so right in your post. I've learned in this journey so far, faith is what you have to hold onto. Believe me, I do. I know with Him, all things are possible.

      Love you girl!

      Sam

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