Friday, December 28, 2012

The Waiting

Now that I've caught everyone up on the fun things (except Christmas which will add probably tomorrow), I wanted to talk about the waiting.

I feel like this is the worst part.  I have no idea what to do with my life at this point.  I pray daily for guidance and it gives me peace.  But, I feel like I'm not doing anything and have this cancer inside of me and it's slowly killing me.   I just want it gone!  I'm on this roller coaster of emotions and I just don't understand.

Of course I have gamma radiation next week and MD Anderson January 7th, but the waiting game is breaking me down.   I'll be heading up to Atlanta Sunday and am looking forward to my black ninjas that will hopefully come by and make me laugh, because I need some laughter right now.  I am also missing my family a lot right now.

I'm torn between St. Simons, where Karley and John reside, and my original home, where my parents are, until I get through treatment.   I don't want Karley to see me really sick but will miss her terribly.   I also know it's best that her life remain as normal as it can be (ie same friends, school, social scene, etc.) and I know that she's got the best daddy in the world that loves her more than life itself.   Which, I cannot explain how comforting that is.  The Lord blessed Karley with such a great dad.  

That's it for now, it's off my chest for today.  I'm tired of waiting, I'm ready, with Him in my corner, to start fighting.....

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