Tuesday, November 27, 2018
November 27th, 2012: I was laying in a hospital bed, recovering from brain surgery to remove a tumor. I was surrounded by family and friends, each of them with tears in their eyes. I was groggy and couldn't understand why they were so sad. No one would tell me.
Finally, the doctor came in. I demanded to know what was wrong. Yes, brain tumors run in my family but are always benign. When he spoke, my world changed forever. He said, "the tumor was malignant and came from your lungs, you have lung cancer, most likely stage 4."
I immediately went to google of course, saw the statistics and prognosis and asked him how much time I had left. He told me everyone was different, but as of that point, he would guess I had 12-18 months to get my affairs in order. I was going to leave my 7 year old daughter alone in this world.
Well, that was 6 years ago. And I'm still here, on my first line treatment, with no active cancer. I am beyond blessed. I was hopeless back then. But through the grace of God and the extensive research beginning to uncover mutations like I have, I am still here.
I was here for her 5th grade graduation, to watch her team win the volleyball championship, watch as she grew so much taller than me and become this teenager, with her own personality, so beautiful and sweet. God knows I am blessed. I have been through some struggles, but through the grace of God, I'm here. I write my blogs, not to brag, but to bring hope. Because on November 27th, 2012, I had none. I had less than a 4% chance of surviving 5 years. But those stats are old. If I can just give others hope during this incredibly difficult time, then I feel it has all been worth it.
I know a lot of lc patients are struggling and I've lost many friends to this disease. So to say I'm overjoyed all of the time is a mistake. The worst part of my journey has been the loss of these friends. The emotional toll this disease takes on you is indescribable. Yes, I take anti-depressants and will forever have a form of PTSD, because I will never be cured as of now. There is only treatment, no cure. So, I'm praying for many more years and as I rejoice in this day, I'm also saddened for my lung cancer family that have and continue to take a beating and for the ones no longer with us.
But, today I'm alive and in these moments, I am going to LIVE.
Thank you all for your continuous prayers. Please keep them coming. I never thought I would see this day, but I'm really glad I did. Love you all.
Josh and I recreated this fabulous pic of my sister and me on Thanksgiving in high school.