"I used to bite my tongue and hold my breathe
scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sat quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I that forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing so I fell for everything
You held me down but I got up
already brushing off the dust,
you hear my voice, you hear that sound
like thunder gonna shake the ground,
you held me down but I got up
Get ready cause I had enough,
I see it all, I see it now
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter
dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar!"
As the song progresses, it gives me strength and encouragement. Not only to fight the big "C" but to not let anyone put down my beliefs. It should really be the cancer mantra.
I had a good time over the weekend at the LUNGevity Hope Summit. It was so good to see so many familiar faces, but at the same time, it was sad. Most of the people I hung out with last year weren't there. One has passed, one can't travel, and one couldn't make it. I bounced around from group to group but every night I had an overwhelming sadness for the ones we've lost. I was so encouraged by the caregivers that came and stayed although they had lost a spouse. They cheered me up I think.
So, I've decided to continue this blog of course, but as for advocacy, I need a break. I feel like we are chasing our tails sometimes I will always write here because I know what I needed when I first got sick. But being a long term survivor is really taking its toll. I'm losing friends, and right now, I would say that's the hardest part. Some are stepping away from the advocacy for the same reasons.
Something else this song reminded me of was my faith and beliefs. I had someone who is semi-famous refuse to retweet this blog because it had Christianity in it and not all of this persons fans were Not Christians. Let me make a few things clear.
I write as an outlet. It's not always about God, but to help others along with myself deal with this beast of a disease. Secondly, I don't care who you are, I will never give praise to anyone other than God for keeping me around this long. He is the ultimate doctor, and if you don't like how I write about that, I'm sorry. I'm not changing for anyone. No amount of money or publicity could make me. And it's usually always at the end, so if you don't like that part....skip it. I'm not trying to shove religion down anyone's throat, I just want to give thanks and recognize who is making me that champion to live this long. I will shout it to the world.
In the beginning I wasn't as devout. Another reason I like this song. I didn't want to make anyone mad. I wanted to be politically correct. But no. He brought me to my knees, and has been with me every step of this journey. So the beginning of the song was me, and then she had enough. That is me as well. If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything. I will never apologize for believing in what I believe. But I also will not engage in a religious argument. I respect your beliefs, please respect mine. I am glad we have celebrities such as Tim Tebow, who will not change his beliefs regardless. It gives me hope.
When I got home, the comment about my blog being religious bothered me. So, I was a little sad. Then, as if it were from God himself, some wonderful woman decided to post in the LUNGevity area that we were missing God. People were coming out of the woodworks agreeing. I don't know where I would be without my faith. And I praise God for all of the people that agreed that he is the ultimate doctor.
Thank you all for your continuous prayers, and believe me, if we don't have the same beliefs, I don't judge. That's not my job. I love all of my cancer friends, new and old, as well as my friends and family. Love you all and God Bless. All these pics are on my personal facebook page, so get ready for an overload.....