Saturday, April 7, 2018

Unicorns, Tacos, and Love

It's been a while. so have some catching up to do.  I got so lucky and got a double eye infection.  I used to tell my mother, "if something is going around, I'll get it".  And I did.  I was a sickly child.  I had a good run in my teens and twenties.  Now I have the big "C" in case you've never read my blog.

Lately, I've been good.  I've been recovering so well from the embolisms.  All that remains is the fatigue.  I can out sleep anyone these days.  I wish I knew of a competition for that!

So, my scans were changed to May, the same week I'll be in Atlanta for the benefit.  I'll post more about that as time gets closer.  I'm also attending the LUNGevity summit in D.C. at the end of this month.  I'm looking forward to seeing some great friends, but it will be a bittersweet trip.  Many have gone on to a better place, and I miss them so much.

Having lung cancer is constantly adjusting to your circumstances.  You lose friends, you have complications, you start new meds and trials, but you do everything you can to pick yourself up and enjoy what time you do have.  Cancer patients, regardless of what kind, make me feel I have an instant bond with them.  Then, after some time, you realize that some are into advocacy for the wrong reasons.  Some are in it for attention, pity, etc.  I'm not into advocacy for those reasons.  I'm here to try and help people feel normal with this awful disease, and maybe bring a smile out.   We all want to be normal again, but we can't, and never will.  Support and comedy is what comes from me.  It may not be much, but it's what I have to offer.

So, we adjust to our new lives, full of complications and loss.  Hilary Stanton Zunin once said, "The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief - But the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love."  I couldn't agree more.  For all the loss I've seen in these 5 1/2 years, each of them has made me a better person.  Their spirit and love were not finished, they will live on forever in us.

So, when you see lung cancer patients doing well, know that they are not necessarily mentally well.  They have their own worries, but they also grieve for the ones going before them and the families, knowing very well it could be their own time at any time.  But shouldn't we all live like each day is our last?  Because it's not up to us.  Hold onto your loved ones and never miss that opportunity to express your love.  The last thing Nicole and I said to each other was that we loved each other.   The same with my friend Roy.  Because we may have lived, but we never knew when one of us may leave.

This applies to family and friends too.  Don't have regrets.  I know most of the time I don't take anything seriously, but this I do.  I love the people in my life, that have stayed through the good and the bad and those whom I've met along the way.

So, after this very serious blog, here are some fun things.  My daughter went full on brunette and ever since, we've been asked who the mom is.  It's flattering, but she's growing way to fast!  She had her hair colored at a salon for the first time ever.  Of course I had to take pictures.  It's what moms do!  Drove her nuts!

I also got to meet my niece, McKenzie, for the first time.  My sister and family stopped by to eat on their way from Orlando to Baltimore.  It was so good to see them.  Karley and Sarah Catherine instantly formed a bond.  Karley gave her some bracelets.  I miss them so much, I can't wait until they move back to North Carolina. 

Karley also got a second piercing in her ears.  I took that opportunity to be a unicorn.  Her face went 50 shades of red as her friend took the picture.  But Karley was getting her ears pierced and forced to watch her grown mother be a unicorn.  She is so funny.  She laughs but she's also mad.  She can never stay mad at me!

Finally, thank you all who have donated to the fundraiser so far.  With the bills coming in, it has helped more than you know.  I thank God for the people I have in my life every day.

As always, thank you for your continuous prayers for my family, friends, and myself.   And here's some pics!

And then there were 5 girls

So sweet, I miss this

Love this one, and she already loves Tacos!

They are so cute together

My lil sis

She's 13

Had to throw this in there.  So good Cheddar's!

I finally got to be a unicorn and Karley couldn't stop me