Monday, June 19, 2017
What is there left to say...
I don't know. I've tried for years to be positive. To be some sort of hope and inspiration for others. And though I may be because of my fight on a first line treatment so long, it is the loneliest road traveled. So many friends I've lost. So many people don't want to be close to me because I'm a ticking time bomb.
Everyone worries, but they shouldn't. I'm not going anywhere until God is ready for me to. I am just so tired. Tired of living with this, tired of losing friends,tired of watching friends suffer, and tired of my life being stuck. It's a life of every 20 weeks now.
I sound like such a baby because I'm doing well, physically. Luckily, I'm going to my psychiatrist this week and adjust my meds because mentally, I'm in such a funk. Hopefully, I'll be out of it soon. One of my friends is not doing well at all. It physically is making me sick. I feel like I can't get out of bed so much more now. I did today and Saturday. I'm trying, trying so very hard not to give up on life. I have so much to live for. My baby makes me get up, I don't want her to see me like that. But it's the kinda of trauma that never leaves you, every. single. day. you live with it.
Maybe one day, with your prayers, and by the grace of God, we can live.