Monday, May 22, 2017
"Where does a story truly begin? In life, there are seldom clear-cut beginnings, those moments when we can, in looking back, say that everything started. Yet there are moments when fate intersects with our daily lives, setting in motion a sequence of events whose outcome we could never have foreseen" - A Bend in the Road, Nicholas Sparks
I remember the moment fate intersected with my daily life to set off that domino of events.. November 27, 2012. It's never been the same since. So much changed just after turning 33. I learned then I could no longer have children, so now I live vicariously through my sister and and my nieces. I'm so grateful I had Karley when I was young. Some people never get a chance to have any, and for that, I'm so sorry. I just always wanted to have a brother or sister for Karley, but God had other plans. She does have stepsister now. They may be night and day, but they have each other.
Moments like that day can never be forgotten. I take a daily reminder. This is not how my life was supposed to be, or maybe it was. I get winded just taking the kids to Six Flags because of the air quality. There are a so many moments I've missed, yet I'm so blessed to be be here for the moments I'm still living and have left. I mean it. I am beyond thankful. Of course, people will always give you a bible verse about God healing you. But, a lot of people misunderstand what this means. It doesn't necessarily mean he will take the sickness from your body, it means that sometimes, he will take your soul from your body to heal you. Then, you're healed, just not here, and you're healed forever..
Everything that hurts, I always fear is additional growth. Friday afternoon I started feeling like I had heartburn. I've taken everything possible and it still hurts to swallow or take a deep breath. It really sucks. And mom, if you're reading this, yes I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. Hoping the worst case is it's just a touch of pneumonia. It hurts where the primary tumor is but that's where it's hurt every time I've had pneumonia. Sooooo tired of doctors and hospitals. But, aren't most of you reading this?
Luckily my friend Michalle came to visit for her birthday weekend. It's been so long since we've hung out but we had a blast. It took me back to a more carefree time. Then, later Sunday, reality slapped me in the face again. Life can be so unfair sometimes. But, you have to pick up the pieces and move on.
Karley was sick last night so has been with me today. She's such a little trooper. I love how she tries to make me feel better even when she's sick. It's super cute. I would do anything for that girl. So, all in all, I'm one lucky chick to have what I have. We all get down sometimes, but we can't stay there. It's too cold and no place to live.
Thank you all for your continuous prayers. They mean so much. God bless.