Thursday, May 25, 2017

I Miss Him....

This is to Roy Reynolds.

I talked to your sister last night.  We talked of some of the more ridiculous things I've done lately.  She said she needed it.  She was awfully sad.  I miss you both.  My lack of grace did make her laugh.

So, after I talked about you I had a dream of my make shift bachelorette party. You were the only guy but we had so much fun.   It went from, "I'm going out with Norma Jean" to "Norma Jean is taking your butt home".

You were the one I called to hang out during the day when everyone else had to work.  You listened and understood all of the struggles and I did the same for you.  But for some reason, today I am missing you like crazy.  When Renesha and I got in that huge fight, you stayed out of it.  You were one of the very few genuinely good people I knew.  Your face would light up a room in a heartbeat.  Your smile was a heartbreaker, still is.  Everyone knew it.

What happened to you should have never happened.  If only I could turn back time and make them take you.  But I can't. Holding you in my arms that day as you were slowly leaving us, It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I'm so grateful to have been there to try and comfort you.

All I can do  now is pray for strength for your family.  Renesha needs a sign from you.  You were like a glue holding your family together.  They need you.  Hell, I need you.  You were one of the best friends a girl could have.  And I know, if love could've saved you, that you would be with us right now.

Thank you all for our continuous prayers and please pray for Roys family and friends.

Last minute bachelorette party with Roy and the girls.

Day Drinking - Jason Bartending

Our cancer card

Holly's specialty drink for you

This shirt still makes me cry

Light the Night for Roy

Your crazy sister, crazy friend Brandy, and crazy boss NJ

Renesha and Brandy - So happy

Our Shenanigans - not serious about anything.

Monday, May 22, 2017


"Where does a story truly begin?  In life, there are seldom clear-cut beginnings, those moments when we can, in looking back, say that everything started.  Yet there are moments when fate intersects with our daily lives, setting in motion a sequence of events whose outcome we could never have foreseen" - A Bend in the Road, Nicholas Sparks

I remember the moment fate intersected with my daily life to set off that domino of events..  November 27, 2012.  It's never been the same since.  So much changed just after turning 33.  I learned then I could no longer have children, so now I live vicariously through my sister and and my nieces. I'm so grateful I had Karley when I was young.  Some people never get a chance to have any, and for that, I'm so sorry.  I just always wanted to have a brother or sister for Karley, but God had other plans.  She does have stepsister now.  They may be night and day, but they have each other.

Moments like that day can never be forgotten.  I take a daily reminder.  This is not how my life was supposed to be, or maybe it was.  I get winded just taking the kids to Six Flags because of the air quality.  There are a so many moments I've missed, yet I'm so blessed to be be here for the moments I'm still living and have left.  I mean it.  I am beyond thankful.  Of course, people will always give you a bible verse about God healing you.  But, a lot of people misunderstand what this means.  It doesn't necessarily mean he will take the sickness from your body, it means that sometimes, he will take your soul from your body to heal you.  Then, you're healed, just not here, and you're healed forever..

Everything that hurts, I always fear is additional growth.  Friday afternoon I started feeling like I had heartburn.  I've taken everything possible and it still hurts to swallow or take a deep breath.  It really sucks.  And mom, if you're reading this, yes I'm going to the doctor tomorrow.  Hoping the worst case is it's just a touch of pneumonia.  It hurts where the primary tumor is but that's where it's hurt every time I've had pneumonia.   Sooooo tired of doctors and hospitals.  But, aren't most of you reading this?

Luckily my friend Michalle came to visit for her birthday weekend.  It's been so long since we've hung out but we had a blast.  It took me back to a more carefree time.  Then, later Sunday, reality slapped me in the face again.  Life can be so unfair sometimes.  But, you have to pick up the pieces and move on.

Karley was sick last night so has been with me today.  She's such a little trooper.  I love how she tries to make me feel better even when she's sick.  It's super cute.  I would do anything for that girl.  So, all in all, I'm one lucky chick to have what I have.  We all get down sometimes, but we can't stay there.  It's too cold and no place to live.

Thank you all for your continuous prayers.  They mean so much.   God bless.

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Mother's Day - It's not for everyone

Mother's Day is always special for us.  I love spending time with the girls.  I just wanted to wish all the Mothers out there a Happy Mother's Day!.  Mine has been great.  We had Mexican (of course) and are spending the day curled up watching movies.

As blessed as I am to still be here, I can't forget some of my friends that should be here celebrating Mother's Day with their children.  And there are some that have lost their children.   And for you all, we are sending up our prayers.  I can't imagine how hard this day must be for you all, please know we are thinking of you.  God bless you.  And thank you all for your continuous prayers.  I am so blessed.

Some of the angel moms, gone too soon.  We miss you all.






Wednesday, May 3, 2017

LUNGevity Weekend

I went to my second LUNGevity Hope Summit.  It was an honor for Lisa Goldman and me to be able to speak on behalf of advocates.  We are total opposites, but like I said then, she and I have been rocks for each other for so many years.  I know many of you are asking yourselves, "how could you be friends with someone who craves a vegan taco?".  You are not alone in this question.  I've asked myself this same question since Sunday.  I've really thought about it.  And I realized, if we can get past our difference in religion and politics, we can get past this.  Although, my love for mexican food is so strong, I love Lisa a little more.

It was an honor to also be a moderator.  I wanted more time to talk to everyone but it seemed like time just flew by.  It's so amazing to be surrounded by people who are going through the same things you are.  And, I made so many great friends, including Heidi, Leslie, Frank, Chris, Katiejoe, Bobbijoe, Allen, Ron, Lynn, Nicole, my roomie Kelly Shannon (love her), Mary, Susan, Lisa, Jeff, Ivy, Danielle, Cyndi, Barbara, Dena, I mean, the list goes on and on.  It was so great to put faces with facebook profiles and build up more of a support system.  I also loved seeing old friends like Linnea, Lisa G. (love her), Lysa B., Jill, Katie, Melissa, Nikole, Andrea, Chris, Kimberly, Jim, Sandra, Dusty, Patty, Don, Anita, and Keith.  That list goes on and on too.

The bond I have with these people will forever be.  And I pray for everyone that was there and even the ones unable to attend.  None of us deserve this but it's the hand we were dealt.  And everyone there does a damn good job of dealing with it.  Ok.  So, I know pics hadn't come out and these are all on my fb page, but I had to post again.  Oh, and I stole some, so sue me!  I couldn't pick just a few.  I loved them all.  Even though, in a lot of them I have no idea what I'm doing....

Thank you for all your continuous prayers and please pray for all of these people.  And please pray for a friend, Erika, who tragically lost her son last night.  She's always been such an encouraging soul to me, I hate that she has to suffer this.  No parent should have to bury their child.