Sunday, January 8, 2017


Are we ever truly at peace?  Or is there always something or someone you are worried about?  I went to church today with a heavy heart.  I was still sad about the contents described in my last blog.  But, as I listened to the sermon today, I realized I need to just let go and trust in God.  Even when people cause me pain.  He is always here and has plans for us all.

I prayed for peace from the anguish that resided in my heart from last post.  The wounds are scarring over, but that's it.  I forgive.  It's healthier and less stressful to forgive and it's the way God wants us to live our lives.  I've made mistakes, I've never said I'm perfect.  I'm not even close!  But when I say, "I'm sorry", I sincerely mean it.  And I've done that.  And I'm really not sure what the big deal is when I write about my life on here.  This is my outlet.  This is how I release my emotions, good or bad.  Life isn't always sunshine and rainbows people.  Therefore, I can't pretend to feel ways that I don't.  I also don't think it's fair to just write about the good things and not the bad.  People need to hear the bad.  They need to know they aren't alone on this earthly journey.  I know I do.

God gives us all a purpose.  I'm not sure what mine is yet, but I do know that I do my best to help relate to others going through these same emotions.  Hence, my bad days being posted.  I am sorry if anyone takes offense, but I have never mentioned a name or a relationship in a bad way.  I've praised my friends and family by name who have been here for me.

Yes, my last blog was written out of pure anger.  Yes, it is still up. Yes, I should've prayed more at the time before writing it.  I'm not taking it down because I want to be reminded of what words can come out of anger. And I can't guarantee I won't ever right a blog like that again, because I get angry sometimes.  I'm human.  I am not Jesus Christ.  I am not perfect.  No one is except for the man Himself.

God says we should "turn the other cheek".  That is much easier said than done.  But if you can forgive and move past the pettiness, why not?  Both parties apologize for words that cut deep and move forward.  It takes more energy to hate than to love.

I hope someone can take something away from these writings.  If not, I'll know that I was able to release my emotions and drive you all crazy and that will make me laugh a little inside because I'm a little sarcastic like that.

When you think about your situation, think about how it could always be worse.  I was reminded of that from the Everlast song today from 1998, "What it's Like".  It was the perfect song to remind me of how blessed I am.  It's not a very Christian song, but I'm not the perfect Christian.  And if something leads me to a life closer to Christ that may not be considered "Christian", so be it.

Thank you for all of the continuous prayers and words of encouragement when I needed them most.  Scans are coming up so please don't let up!

By the way, if you are looking for a tear jerker of a movie, you should definitely see "Miss You Already".  I swear Amanda Davis, it reminds me so much of our friendship.  Yes, I cried again today

God bless you all!

This is Amanda...This is Us