I would like to say things get easier as time passes, but they haven't for me. I've lost so many friends but can't leave this world I've become a part of because I need these people, that are like me, and we can share our fears, accomplishments, sympathies, struggles....and the list goes on and on and on.
This has been a really tough year so far and quite frankly I'm ready for 2017. But there's something about the year coming to an end. A finality of everything you're leaving behind in 2016. You're moving on....some are not. Survivor's guilt is a bitch. I will say that and be completely honest. Every time a friend is lost, you think about why it wasn't you. You thank God it wasn't you, but it tears away at your soul, pieces at a time. Sometimes I wonder how much I have left to offer.
To all my friends and family, thank you for your continuous prayers and support. And please pray the stigma surrounding lung cancer stops! It is is hurting our funding for research so drastically. We need a cure, not a a band aid.
And to all my family and friends, thank you for continuing to be here for me. Some have left, but I just came to find out they were never really friends anyway. I'm so much better off without someone that will jump ship when times get tough or they're just a drunk that thinks I am the cause of all their problems.....ha ha. Yes, there are people out there that need to get help and quit blaming their problems on everyone else. Get away from these people as fast as possible. They are so toxic to your life.
I know I'm not the funniest person to be around sometimes and am sleepy a lot. I'm sorry, it's just all of this takes such a toll on one's emotional health. Any other bad things that happen....I can just barely take anymore.
I used to be so strong, and I know I haven't completely lost that strength. I think I'm just saving it for when I really need it. For a rainy day.
We have decided to go to New York for Christmas. It really is the last city on my bucket list and I'm super excited. The girls opted for the trip instead of presents. They are such sweet girls.
Anyway, I'll write more later, as for now, I need to get up and get some things done around this house. Thank you again for your prayers and listening to my rants and so fourth. I will be doing a lot of writing about Lung Cancer this month. I'm an advocate....and sometimes need a break, but not this month.
Thank you God for giving me this precious time. Nearly 4 years ago, the age of 37 seemed impossible. But with God, all things are possible.