The thing is, there is so much I want to do and experience while I am able and feel good enough to do it. I've seen so many of my lung cancer friends decline, quite frankly, in all honesty, this girl is scared. Everyone tells me, "you're going to be fine" and "you're doing great" and "you're going to beat this". I appreciate the sentiments, I really do. It's just that, I don't think any of us can really know. Only God knows that. I know I'll be fine, but I don't know I'll beat it. There are two places I can be fine. I will be fine no matter what happens.
So, my dilemma right now is not which medical trial to enroll in or what medication to take. My dilemma is to do what I want to accomplish before I'm put in a wheelchair, in the hospital or on an oxygen tank. I want to go places and see things. I want to ride in one of those airplanes that actually give you a bed (Delta) and go to Europe. I want to see the Louvre in Paris, take a boat tour in Venice, see Buckingham Palace in London and try to make a guard laugh.
I know it sounds so silly. I should be worried about staying alive and researching and how each scan will turn out. But quite frankly my dear, I don't give a damn right now. I want to do so much, but it's all "just in case". I don't want to be so sick I can't enjoy my bucket list. By then, I won't even feel like doing it.
I have had a wonderful life so far, I can't complain. I've been many place and experienced many things. So, if none of those bucket list items come true, I'll be okay. As long as I have my family. We can just go to Vegas and probably do all of those things AND see some pyramids AND Elvis.
This living in limbo just sucks. It sucks so bad. I feel bad complaining because of all of the friends I have that are worse off, but I couldn't sleep so decided to just come on out with it. So, there it is. I want a bed on a plane!
In other news, we head to Chicago in a few weeks because the girls came in the top ten in their NASKA divisions (karate) so will receive rewards for both sparring and kata. So proud of them both. They will also compete while there. So please pray for them to return home unharmed. It's the beginning of competition season.
I am finally getting my wedding stuff together. I feel like such a slacker. I wish I could invite everyone, but we are on such a tight budget due to medical bills and me not working and having two girls on a traveling competition team. So, please don't be offended if you don't get an invite, I want you all there! We just can't afford it all.
Thank you all for your continuous prayers for me and my friends and family. Congratulations Kimberly for winning Team Draft's Super Bowl Challenge! I'm so happy for you! And to the runners up, you guys will have a blast! That was one of the best highlights of 2015 for me and I met some wonderful lifelong friends. And Chris Draft isn't so bad himself. Kidding...he's amazing.
I never thought I would live to see this year, so most of all, thank you God for getting me here. I'm not losing my faith, I'm planning my life with your guidance. God bless you all!
One more thing, you can vote for my blog on this site http://www.healthline.com/health/best-health-blogs-contest
It would be amazing to see a lung cancer patient in the top ten! I'm currently #6. You can vote every 24 hours through facebook AND twitter. So, please help keep this blog there....or you can get me a ride in one of those planes with the beds to Europe. Your choice.
Kidding again! Happy New Year and thank you for continuing to read my blogs. It's a roller coaster...but it's worth the ride. Here are some recent pics of Christmas and our Karate Kids.