I'm So Lost

So I'm on my second bout of pneumonia in 2 months.  Fun fun!  But, most importantly, we lost Gretchen Mitchell Anderson to brain cancer.  It is devastating.  When will this ever end?   When will we stop losing our children, spouses, mothers, fathers, brothers,,and sisters to this horrible disease.  I have no idea.  And this, my friends, may be the hardest part.   Because when you become a parent, that will always come first...whether it be caregiver or cancer patient.  It's hard to relate until you in that position..

The fact that I keep getting pneumonia is somewhat worrisome, but I know there are others worse off that I'm praying for.  Gretchen's passing hit me especially hard.  She was diagnosed about 5 months after me so we spoke a lot about our futures.  Now, just my future, which I'm totally unsure of.  I miss her, so very much.  She was always worried about me more than herself, such a kind soul.  As Emily Dickinson wrote, "unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality".  It's fitting in just a way that her memory will never be forgotten.

But as you all know, I still have my own battle that I try to fight every day.  Some days are better than others.  And today.....well, I started getting angry.  How could this happen to us?  We are so young.  We have children to raise.  What are they going to do without us?   I'm trying to push Karley to grow up faster than she probably should, I'm just scared to not be there for her.   I've gotten her involved in church and am trying to steer her in the right direction.  But, I don't want to lose the time with her.  Not one second.

So thank you all for the continuous prayera for my friends and me.  Even though they are not always the outcome we hoped for, God knows what he is doing.  I trust in that.  Please continue to pray for Gretchen's family, Brad Graves, and Carmen Frye. .Your prayers do work wonders.  

And Gretchen, we miss you more than you'll ever know.  You were so brave, you did not let cancer win.  You are my inspiration.  Til we meet again at those pearly gates, you will be in my heart always.