Last night, while we were talking on Skype, she held up several sweet drawings she made for me. But the last one said, "mommy, I hope you make it. If you don't make it, I will still love you".
I asked her what she meant by that, knowing deep down I knew the answer. She gave me the answer I was hoping I was wrong about. I told her I was going to do everything I could to make it and no matter what happens I know she loves me.
God has to give me the strength to deal with this. I'm praying very hard right now. Each day I'm away from her is tearing me apart. She is the light of my life and at 7 should not have to worry about whether her mommy will live or die. It's not fair for her. I never wanted this for her.
I pray that the good Lord give me strength today, because it is starting out to be a tough one. I only want the best for my girl. I don't want to hurt her with my illness. My heart is breaking, I need prayers and strength.
I'm sorry this isn't such a positive blog, everyone is entitled to a breakdown day I guess.
I pray to you, Lord, give MD Anderson the wisdom and power to cure me so I can serve you longer on this earth by attesting to your true power and love and also raise my daughter with this same knowledge. Amen
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